Just another...Joke thread!

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ChickenTacos 2023年12月18日 7時32分

Ok, here we go! Some jokes:

"What did one hat say to the other?"
"Wait right here, I'll go on a head."

"I don't trust stairs, they're always up to something."

"I used to fear speed bumps, however, I'm slowly getting over them."

最近の変更はChickenTacosが行いました; 2023年12月22日 10時52分

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46-60 / 61 のコメントを表示

Devsman 2023年12月24日 7時43分

DarkChrystmasMethod の投稿を引用：
ChickenTacos の投稿を引用：
That has got to be the largest wall of text joke that I've ever seen, EC. Next time, try harder.
There's a longer one called "The Aristocrats" but its not for this audience.

The aristocrats has got NOTHING on Nate the Snake.

#46

El Mythical 23 k.s.c. 2023年12月24日 7時46分

Two hillbillies sitting on a porch watching a dog lick themselves.
One looks over and says: I wish I could do that.
The other one leans in shaking their head and says: That dog will bite youuuuuuu!

#47

ChickenTacos 2023年12月24日 10時41分

Devsman の投稿を引用：
DarkChrystmasMethod の投稿を引用：
There's a longer one called "The Aristocrats" but its not for this audience.
The aristocrats has got NOTHING on Nate the Snake.

I got you, fam:
In a large and almost deserted desert, there lives a snake. His name is Nate, he is, Nate the Snake. His one mission in life is to stop a lever from being pushed, because if it is, the world will end. Now, Nate has been the deserts only inhabitant for a while, so he has never had a friend. Then one day, someone else moves into the desert, this person's name doesn't matter, so we'll call him Trevor. Now as they are the only two living beings in the desert, they end up spending a lot of time with each other. So after a while, they become really good friends. One day when Trevor is over at Nate the Snake's house, he wonders over to the lever, and is about to pull it just to see what it does. Then suddenly, Nate shouts "Don't pull that or the world will end.", Trevor reacts quickly so he doesn't end up pulling the lever. A few months, Trevor buys a used car and is driving it over to Nate's house to show it to him. As Trevor approaches Nate's house, he sees that Nate is in the middle of the road sunbathing while listening to music. At this point Trevor's car's brakes then fail so he can only turn away from Nate and hit the lever, which would cause the world to end, or run Nate over. In the few brief seconds that Trevor has to decide he chooses to hit Nate in order to preserve the world's safety. A week later, when Trevor was driving to Nate's funeral he was having doubts about what he had done, but he arrived upon the conclusion that it was better Nate than lever.

#48

Sir Seanicus, Esq. 2023年12月24日 10時45分

Here's a joke for ya: politics on off topic.

#49

👾 2023年12月24日 11時20分

Sir Seanicus, Esq. の投稿を引用：
Here's a joke for ya: politics

Fix'd

#50

Devsman 2023年12月24日 11時27分

ChickenTacos の投稿を引用：
Devsman の投稿を引用：
The aristocrats has got NOTHING on Nate the Snake.
I got you, fam:
In a large and almost deserted desert, there lives a snake. His name is Nate, he is, Nate the Snake. His one mission in life is to stop a lever from being pushed, because if it is, the world will end. Now, Nate has been the deserts only inhabitant for a while, so he has never had a friend. Then one day, someone else moves into the desert, this person's name doesn't matter, so we'll call him Trevor. Now as they are the only two living beings in the desert, they end up spending a lot of time with each other. So after a while, they become really good friends. One day when Trevor is over at Nate the Snake's house, he wonders over to the lever, and is about to pull it just to see what it does. Then suddenly, Nate shouts "Don't pull that or the world will end.", Trevor reacts quickly so he doesn't end up pulling the lever. A few months, Trevor buys a used car and is driving it over to Nate's house to show it to him. As Trevor approaches Nate's house, he sees that Nate is in the middle of the road sunbathing while listening to music. At this point Trevor's car's brakes then fail so he can only turn away from Nate and hit the lever, which would cause the world to end, or run Nate over. In the few brief seconds that Trevor has to decide he chooses to hit Nate in order to preserve the world's safety. A week later, when Trevor was driving to Nate's funeral he was having doubts about what he had done, but he arrived upon the conclusion that it was better Nate than lever.

Honestly, a summary doesn't do it justice. It's written like a novella or something that just happens to begin with "So..." and end with a punchline. It's a grand adventure of disaster, survival, ethics, the passing of time and friendship. It's a 10/10 read.

natethesnake.com

#51

Hobbit XIII 2023年12月24日 11時38分

Jim "My dog's got no nose"
John "How does he smell?"
Jim "Horrible!"

and

Jim "Ken's dog died"
John " oh did he? "
Jim " No Doddie "

#52

Hobbit XIII 2023年12月24日 11時40分

And another one everybody knows

Say beer can in a posh accent

You have just said Bacon in Jamaican!

#53

❤ Sly Succubus ❤ 2023年12月24日 11時47分

So a farmer walks into a farmers market, he stops by one man and asks "Do you sell Roosters? I need a new one." The man nods but gives him a strange look and asks "Didn't you come in yesterday and buy one?" The farmer nods but no more is asked.

The farmer takes the new Rooster back to his farm and puts him with the old rooster. The new rooster runs up to the old one and says "Move aside old timer, your days are over with." The old rooster nods but asks humbly the new rooster something that it never head of.

"Very well I'll give you right over the farm, but we have a rule before you become the new roost of this farm, you must beat me in a race. All that I ask you is to allow me to have a headstart, I'm rather old and will still loose but at least give this old timer a chance."

The new rooster, overwhelmed with the idea it will win agrees and both move up to the starting line. The old rooster takes off running and gets halfway to the fence, the new rooster takes off behind and quickly starts to gain on him. As they both near the finish line, a loud BANG is heard over the whole farm.

The farmer had shot the new rooster.

"Damn thats the forth gay rooster this week!"

#54

DarkCrystalMethod 2023年12月24日 12時02分

Got any grapes?

#55

ChickenTacos 2023年12月24日 12時54分

Sly Succubus の投稿を引用：
So a farmer walks into a farmers market, he stops by one man and asks "Do you sell Roosters? I need a new one." The man nods but gives him a strange look and asks "Didn't you come in yesterday and buy one?" The farmer nods but no more is asked.

The farmer takes the new Rooster back to his farm and puts him with the old rooster. The new rooster runs up to the old one and says "Move aside old timer, your days are over with." The old rooster nods but asks humbly the new rooster something that it never head of.

"Very well I'll give you right over the farm, but we have a rule before you become the new roost of this farm, you must beat me in a race. All that I ask you is to allow me to have a headstart, I'm rather old and will still loose but at least give this old timer a chance."

The new rooster, overwhelmed with the idea it will win agrees and both move up to the starting line. The old rooster takes off running and gets halfway to the fence, the new rooster takes off behind and quickly starts to gain on him. As they both near the finish line, a loud BANG is heard over the whole farm.

The farmer had shot the new rooster.

"Damn thats the forth gay rooster this week!"

LOL!!!!!!!

#56

ChickenTacos 2023年12月24日 12時58分

DarkChrystmasMethod の投稿を引用：
Got any grapes?

A duck walks into a hardware store and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?"

The clerk looks at the duck confused and says "Well, no this is a hardware store."

The duck shrugs it off and leaves.

The next day the duck returns to the hardware store, looks around and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?"

The clerk kind of irritated asks the duck to leave, as there are obviously no grapes being sold at a hardware store. Ever.

Lo and behold the following day the duck enters the same hardware store and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?"

The clerk, having had enough of this tells the duck, "If you ask about grapes again, I'm going to NAIL your beak to this here counter!"

The duck leaves, comes back the next day and asks the same clerk, "Got any nails?"

The clerk responds, "Hmm...sorry, we're all out."

The duck looks at the clerk, "Got any grapes?"

#57

👾 2023年12月24日 13時06分

ChickenTacos の投稿を引用：
DarkChrystmasMethod の投稿を引用：
Got any grapes?
A duck walks into a hardware store and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?"

The clerk looks at the duck confused and says "Well, no this is a hardware store."

The duck shrugs it off and leaves.

The next day the duck returns to the hardware store, looks around and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?"

The clerk kind of irritated asks the duck to leave, as there are obviously no grapes being sold at a hardware store. Ever.

Lo and behold the following day the duck enters the same hardware store and asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?"

The clerk, having had enough of this tells the duck, "If you ask about grapes again, I'm going to NAIL your beak to this here counter!"

The duck leaves, comes back the next day and asks the same clerk, "Got any nails?"

The clerk responds, "Hmm...sorry, we're all out."

The duck looks at the clerk, "Got any grapes?"