How do you tell if someone is being passive aggressive?

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I'm not one to pander to crazy people who think everyone is out to get them, but is it the tone? Like, the way they say it? Or is it what they're saying, or the look on their face? Or what?

I saw this vid about passive voice vs. passive aggressive voice and I agreed with it, but my boyfriend did not.

He said that someone going, "YOU like tomatoes and Starbucks?" is only one example of how a person can be passive aggressive. That, like, another example would be someone who makes a username or post just to make some person look like they are taking shots at them. I told him that never happens and it doesn't make any sense and he rolled his eyes at me and called me naive and oblivious.

What do you think? Have you ever encountered someone doing something like that?

[Electric Cupcake]

"Minnesota Nice" has it down to an art form, even beyond Janteloven.

[Dracoco OwO]

I will fully demonstrate my aggressivity i prefer to keep things clear.

[Psychlapse]

If someone can't be clear and up front with you, ♥♥♥♥ them off.

Life's too short.

[iitu]

This is why we can't have nice things..

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Origineel geplaatst door Psychlapse:

If someone can't be clear and up front with you, ♥♥♥♥ them off.

Life's too short.

Ah, yes, honesty is the best policy. Especially if they don't get it the first thousand times.

[tmwfte]

How do you think you can tell?

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Origineel geplaatst door Electric Cupcake:

"Minnesota Nice" has it down to an art form, even beyond Janteloven.

I knew a woman who lied about being from Minnesota once, when she really told me she was from Pennsylvania and everyone knew she was lying and said nothing.

[Triple G]

I guess anything about "passive aggressiveness" is up to the individual. People have a different way to interpret certain things, or different humor, or are used to other things. And what if certain "style elements" are just used for fun?

"Why would You watch a video of someone being passive aggressive?" Is asking that passive aggressive, because it implements You´re not the brightest star at the firmament with little social competence, or is it just a question out of curiosity? (It´s of course the latter.) -> is that even more passive aggressive, because it´s an obvious lie - or is it the truth? (Don´t want to offend here, just to have another example)

Or:
I heard Americans lie to each other very often, because they can´t say "no", but instead they would agree to meet somewhere, while they never have the intention to be there. Are Americans passive aggressive because of it?

Or to put it different: Germans are good at sarcasm, but if the Americans start with their obvious sarcasm, which every German baby would understand - they try to explain it with "This is American sarcasm. Get it?" Is saying that, passive aggressive, because one feels offended by it, if someone who says something obvious, flat and unfun - and then expects the other person to be that stupid, that the person didn´t get it? While making it so obvious, ruins the only fun thing in it?

Imho:
It´s best not to overthink the passive aggressive thing, and better forget about it. Decide for Yourself who is able to offend You.

[Dracoco OwO]

Origineel geplaatst door TheWhiteFox:

Origineel geplaatst door Electric Cupcake:

"Minnesota Nice" has it down to an art form, even beyond Janteloven.

I knew a woman who lied about being from Minnesota once, when she really told me she was from Pennsylvania and everyone knew she was lying and said nothing.

I don't even get why peoples lie on stuff like that, which seemingly doesn't even matter.

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Origineel geplaatst door Dracoco OwO:

Origineel geplaatst door TheWhiteFox:

I knew a woman who lied about being from Minnesota once, when she really told me she was from Pennsylvania and everyone knew she was lying and said nothing.

I don't even get why peoples lie on stuff like that, which seemingly doesn't even matter.

Same woman also lied she was blonde and 38 years old. I know because I saw her picture from our mutual friends social media and because she had given a different age before that, years before. But I agree, I don't get it all. You'd think her friends would care that she was fibbing like that. If anything at all they seemed to indulge it, almost like they didn't care at all what a problem it was, almost like they knew what she was doing and were in on it.

[GlaceonChireiden]

Just assume everyone is always passive aggressive, and you'll always guess correctly

You know, like most people do

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Origineel geplaatst door JustSomeLego:

Just assume everyone is always passive aggressive, and you'll always guess correctly

You know, like most people do

But thats just crazy talk. Especially since people are too nice and honest to ever do things like that. Its a very humbling experience to try to call out a person for something when you have only emotions and hidden intentions to prove with and they just deny any validity to the claims despite any glaring facts to support it. One would have to be an idiot or insanely psychotic and delusional to do so.

[GlaceonChireiden]

Origineel geplaatst door TheWhiteFox:

Origineel geplaatst door JustSomeLego:

Just assume everyone is always passive aggressive, and you'll always guess correctly

You know, like most people do

But thats just crazy talk. Especially since people are too nice and honest to ever do things like that. Its a very humbling experience to try to call out a person for something when you have only emotions and hidden intentions to prove with and they just deny any validity to the claims despite any glaring facts to support it. One would have to be an idiot or insanely psychotic and delusional to do so.

I was being passive aggressive
If someone explains/says something in a way that isn't obviously trying to be rude by itself, but you can tell it's supposed to be condescending: THATS passive aggressive. It's all in the wording and how they say it.

[40000Aggro]

Origineel geplaatst door JustSomeLego:

Origineel geplaatst door TheWhiteFox:

But thats just crazy talk. Especially since people are too nice and honest to ever do things like that. Its a very humbling experience to try to call out a person for something when you have only emotions and hidden intentions to prove with and they just deny any validity to the claims despite any glaring facts to support it. One would have to be an idiot or insanely psychotic and delusional to do so.

I was being passive aggressive
If someone explains/says something in a way that isn't obviously trying to be rude by itself, but you can tell it's supposed to be condescending: THATS passive aggressive. It's all in the wording and how they say it.

Good one. Antagonizing someone then ignoring it is passive aggressive. Like when you share a song with your friend and their girlfriend makes assumptions and starts using the words in the song to torment you because they figure you're too stupid to get it. Death threats are a huge personality flaw that good and nice people don't make.

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Origineel geplaatst door Neige:

It is about what is being said and in what context, I would have entire passive agressive conversations with people who picked up on it because it is a way of calmly, subtly communicating your frustrations & annoyance to someone.

Or because you're having a psychotic break because people relentlessly torture you for years and still have the fn nerve to brag about it as if that somehow proves they have empathy. How did their friend know where my uncle lived? Horses, and police license plates.