In Hindsight were arranged marriages really a bad thing for society?

[Violeta]

Given the divorce rates, people being unfaithful because they date tons of people before marriage so they feel more "theres plenty of fish in the sea, if this person doesn't check every box I'll go to another person" as in today people may pair bond very weakly since they date and end up with so many people before finally "settling".

Your parents should know you more than anyone else, and when you were the retirement system and not the government they tried really hard to raise you right and pick your partner very carefully, because if they did wrong, old age could be a nightmare for them.

And people would be much less likely to divorce as you'd be turning your back not just on your partner, possible kids, but your parents and their better retirement, unless you remarried which under that system would be less likely.

As well as all the time people waste dating, trying to impress strangers, over paying on things to look attractive to fetch the best partner possible.

The family courts, and all the other systems that grew so powerful, grew so because of ease of divorce and people chasing new butterflies all the time.

[Zeno]

Originally posted by Pierce Dalton:

Eh, maybe you should ask the women that were forced to marry...

What makes you think only the women were forced to marry?

[↑↑↓↓←→←→BASelect]

Even with arranged marriages they still wasn't guaranteed to last. So no they wasn't a good thing. Plus they don't really love each other so that causes more problems.

[Violeta]

Originally posted by John Johnson:

Even with arranged marriages they still wasn't guaranteed to last. So no they wasn't a good thing. Plus they don't really love each other so that causes more problems.

You married to have children. And pool your resources together to raise them and your family better. It wasn't "I don't feel butterflies today, time to no fault".

Raising children is a realistic goal with realistic benefits to society. Love is an emotion, an ever changing one. That is very undependable. Love is one of the frailest ways to tie two people together rationally.

To base your everything on an emotion. Is a very funny thing to me. As its irrational.

[aka]

Originally posted by Sashie:

were arranged marriages really a bad thing for society?

Yes.

Arranged marriages are easily one of the most destructive negative aspects of any historic or current society.

Many sociological studies compare them to war or slavery. It is an extreme violation of personal freedoms. It causes deep unhappiness, rampant infanticide and child abuse, dissatisfaction, resentment, murder. It leads to mental illness at unprecedented levels. Suicide and rape rates in cultures that practice arranged marriages often exceed 90% of the population, compared with only 0.8% of populations which do not practice arranged marriages. Arranged marriages limit personal and social growth, development, diversity and also create deep social problems, such as discrimination, prejudice, extreme hatred and violence.

Children raised in cultures where arranged marriages are prevalent, are more likely to murder and or suffer extreme mental illness than not.

It is love, stability, compassion, freedom, personal growth, education, and joy, which make a strong society and a strong home to raise healthy future generations. Its not a life of forced sexual subjugation to strangers.

This very question is a selfish, narcissistic, infantile, line of thought.

You're welcome

[Boblin the Goblin]

Originally posted by Sashie:

Originally posted by John Johnson:

Even with arranged marriages they still wasn't guaranteed to last. So no they wasn't a good thing. Plus they don't really love each other so that causes more problems.

You married to have children. And pool your resources together to raise them and your family better. It wasn't "I don't feel butterflies today, time to no fault".

Raising children is a realistic goal with realistic benefits to society. Love is an emotion, an ever changing one. That is very undependable. Love is one of the frailest ways to tie two people together rationally.

To base your everything on an emotion. Is a very funny thing to me. As its irrational.

Not everyone wants kids.

[Kamiyama]

I imagine most people would be able to adapt to the situation even if they didn't fall in love at first.

But it would be bad for those people who ended up with someone abusive.

Of course ending arranged marriages didn't end abusive marriages. There's plenty of abuse out there even today.

I bet in a lot of cases the parents would work hard to select a decent partner who they think wouldn't be abusive. But I bet there were also a lot of parents who were just out to collect the biggest dowry.

Because when you have arranged marriages, you also have dowries.

[↑↑↓↓←→←→BASelect]

Originally posted by Sashie:

Originally posted by John Johnson:

Even with arranged marriages they still wasn't guaranteed to last. So no they wasn't a good thing. Plus they don't really love each other so that causes more problems.

You married to have children. And pool your resources together to raise them and your family better. It wasn't "I don't feel butterflies today, time to no fault".

Raising children is a realistic goal with realistic benefits to society. Love is an emotion, an ever changing one. That is very undependable. Love is one of the frailest ways to tie two people together rationally.

To base your everything on an emotion. Is a very funny thing to me. As its irrational.

People marry because they love each other. So the basis of love is there. Granted in some marriages the love does fade for what ever reason like one or the other became a different person then the one they married.

People have kids to people they love. Yes not all kids are made from 2 people who love each other. But for a marriage to work the basis of love has to be there or the marriage will fall apart. That is why i said when the love fades for what ever reason the marriage falls apart.

So arranged marriages rarely work and they might only stay together because of their families or because of their religion don't allow them to divorce. Yes granted they may fall in love over time but that is rare and just throwing 2 incompatible people together through an arranged marriage is just asking for trouble. So yes i do believe love is one of the key elements in a marriage.

[MinionJoe]

They were certainly useful for maintaining treaties.

Maybe we should bring it back.

[Rumpelcrutchskin]

Originally posted by MinionJoe:

They were certainly useful for maintaining treaties.

Maybe we should bring it back.

They were basically hostages.

[MinionJoe]

Originally posted by Rumpelcrutchskin:

Originally posted by MinionJoe:

They were certainly useful for maintaining treaties.

Maybe we should bring it back.

They were basically hostages.

Yup!

We should definitely reinstate arranged marriages.

[Nekoborg]

1. In an arranged marriage is it the man or is it the woman who is most likely to benefit from being married or to avoid suffering the most?

2. In countries where it is legal for arrange marriages by the parents is it the man or the woman who is most likely to get away with cheating and maintain and finance / economically support their secrete lover?

Those 2 questions no one needs to answer because most of us know the answer.

I only asked to bring awareness to the truth about how unfair life can be to one of the genders in countries where arranged marriages are considered socially acceptable.

[Grendalcat]

Originally posted by Sashie:

Love is one of the frailest ways to tie two people together rationally.

I beg to differ:

“But love, he said, love was a fragile blossom; love was a delicate crystal; love was an unstable reaction with a half-life of about eight months. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, I said, and accused him of wearing cultural blinders; thirty centuries of prewar society taught that love was one thing that could last to the grave and even beyond and if he had been born instead of hatched he would know that without being told!”
― Joe Haldeman, The Forever War

[MinionJoe]

Originally posted by Nekoborg:

I only asked to bring awareness to the truth about how unfair life can be to one of the genders in countries where arranged marriages are considered socially acceptable.

Just make all politically arranged marriages to be gay marriages. Then no gender will be disadvantaged.

[Lunar Fang]

What ruined society was the internet.

[MinionJoe]

Originally posted by Lunar Fang:

What ruined society was the internet.

People generally operate with a social group of 30 people or so (but don't quote me on that).

With the advent of internet news and social media, we're exposed to much larger groups and we just can't process it all.

It is a bit "ruining" to social cohesion.