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Well, that are a lot of strong words with heavy meanings. Heard you didnt like questions, but : did you had depression ?
Then, well, a) steam forums are not the place to get real help b) if your words are true, you may want be try and seek professional help. You need to speak to someone, that is ... clear enought.
Otherwise, close your internet a bit, there are things called "information overload", the world is a violent and anxioxenous place; internet mirrors then distorts everything - and it never ends .. you cant keep up the pace of the internet. So dont try.
Lotsa'men coming up to around 40 have a tinsy bit of ol'depression-like thing where and when they see themselves in places they hate and have nothing to do with their childhood dreams. That frustration and energy or lack of energy you feel ? Use it. What is the hobby you never tried ? Building with wood pieces, melting metal, growing eadible but rare and too costly mushrooms to afford on a regular basis ? Your videogame spiel may or may not do the trick alone, may be you need to complement it.
What is he sense you're giving to your time and occupations ? That's not a question i need an answer, but you may want to ask it to yourself.
See ya.
As someone who holds an academic degree in Psychology, I can only advise you to not seek advise on here. You are not going to find the answer you are looking for in any comment on here.
I know what you have, but its better to truly get help locally than on a gaming forum, especially since your problem could be fixed with only a few therapy sessions.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgXSomPE_FY
/Sorry
//Had to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-qa7N-GJ-c
?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs35t2xFqdU
Do you want help with this? We can make it rain.
what does it matter? What will it change? What will it mean for people in my life,
how will it change?