Is sex really like the main thing about relationships to most people?

[Shodan]

I literally couldn't care less 99.99% of the time and that's the last reason why I want to have a girlfriend. I'm starting to feel like I'm completely naive and out of touch, like it's an incredibly common, casual thing and as normal as a handshake, also the biggest purpose of being in a relationship, even. I really hope this isn't the case or I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥... figuratively.

[krag hag]

Escrito originalmente por Shodan:

Yeah, the purpose of sex is reproduction and that's why being straight is the "default" way

I disagree. Yes, evolution has given us sexual pleasure in order to get us to have more sex, but evolution is not a person. We decide what the purpose of sex is, not evolution. If I say the purpose of sex for me is to build a bond with someone or achieve an orgasm that's just as correct as saying the purpose of sex is to reproduce.

That's also why I believe there is no default sexuality, there's only a common one, and uncommon ones.

[Shodan]

Escrito originalmente por Erin:

Escrito originalmente por Shodan:

Yeah, the purpose of sex is reproduction and that's why being straight is the "default" way

I disagree. Yes, evolution has given us sexual pleasure in order to get us to have more sex, but evolution is not a person. We decide what the purpose of sex is, not evolution. If I say the purpose of sex for me is to build a bond with someone or achieve an orgasm that's just as correct as saying the purpose of sex is to reproduce.

That's also why I believe there is no default sexuality, there's only a common one, and uncommon ones.

Understandable and perfectly fair, because you acknowledged why pleasure from sex is a thing in the first place.

[Netaris]

Escrito originalmente por Not Big Surprise:

i don't see how that gives biological essentialism any merit neither by itself nor compared to just... letting people be themselves

Well, you're the one calling it biological essentialism. For me, it's a kind of hardcore realism, where you remove everything that can alter the raw mecanisms, like feelings, wishes, fantasies. You just put yourself in a state were you just observe how things works, without judging or applying your own wishes on it. That's how I see it.

[Not Big Surprise]

Escrito originalmente por Ad Victoriam !:

Escrito originalmente por Not Big Surprise:

i don't see how that gives biological essentialism any merit neither by itself nor compared to just... letting people be themselves

Well, you're the one calling it biological essentialism. For me, it's a kind of hardcore realism, where you remove everything that can alter the raw mecanisms, like feelings, wishes, fantasies. You just put yourself in a state were you just observe how things works, without judging or applying your own wishes on it. That's how I see it.

i dunno, it seems more like stripping human beings to the bare things that make our bodies count as "alive", and dismissing everything that could be considered personhood in favor of deepthroating some elusive concept of "the human species"

[Pierce Dalton]

Escrito originalmente por sleeps:

what about people who choose to not have sex? just asking

Or people that have a relationship but cannot have sex.

Yes, they do exist.

[sleeps]

sex

-heavy

[Holografix]

scientific nomenclature doesn't determine human behavior.

[Chalupacabaras]

Escrito originalmente por Shodan:

I literally couldn't care less 99.99% of the time and that's the last reason why I want to have a girlfriend. I'm starting to feel like I'm completely naive and out of touch, like it's an incredibly common, casual thing and as normal as a handshake, also the biggest purpose of being in a relationship, even. I really hope this isn't the case or I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥... figuratively.

Funny how you post threads bashing Andrew Tate yet promote his argument of "keep it in your pants, nobody's obligated to give or get sex from anyone else."

Platonic relationships don't last, and they're far more toxic and abusive than sexually healthy relationships. You're not naive, but it does sound like you've become disconnected from yourself after years of basing your identity on the values and principles of people who are miserable.

You don't need a girlfriend, OP. You need to be single -- on purpose. If you can't love yourself, there's no way in hell you can love anyone else.

[Holografix]

Escrito originalmente por Chalupabaras:

You don't need a girlfriend, OP. You need to be single -- on purpose. If you can't love yourself, there's no way in hell you can love anyone else.

that's true theory; if you're a wreck you can't love anyone because you can't even take care of yourself. Recovering addicts receive the same advice. Get a plant. If you manage to water it and it doesn't die, you can move on to fish. If the fish don't die, you can get a hamster. And so on, and so on, until you can be with another person.

it's sage advice.

[sleeps]

i feel like relationship in general should also maintain financial stuff

[Shodan]

Escrito originalmente por Chalupabaras:

Escrito originalmente por Shodan:

I literally couldn't care less 99.99% of the time and that's the last reason why I want to have a girlfriend. I'm starting to feel like I'm completely naive and out of touch, like it's an incredibly common, casual thing and as normal as a handshake, also the biggest purpose of being in a relationship, even. I really hope this isn't the case or I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥... figuratively.

Funny how you post threads bashing Andrew Tate yet promote his argument of "keep it in your pants, nobody's obligated to give or get sex from anyone else."

Platonic relationships don't last, and they're far more toxic and abusive than sexually healthy relationships. You're not naive, but it does sound like you've become disconnected from yourself after years of basing your identity on the values and principles of people who are miserable.

You don't need a girlfriend, OP. You need to be single -- on purpose. If you can't love yourself, there's no way in hell you can love anyone else.

What did I just read? I'm so confused about every single thing you said here that I don't even know what to say.

[Dracoco OwO]

Escrito originalmente por sleeps:

i feel like relationship in general should also maintain financial stuff

This is a excellent reason to bond with someone.

[sleeps]

Escrito originalmente por Dracoco OwO:

Escrito originalmente por sleeps:

i feel like relationship in general should also maintain financial stuff

This is a excellent reason to bound with someone.

sorry but what do you mean?

[Dracoco OwO]

Escrito originalmente por sleeps:

Escrito originalmente por Dracoco OwO:

This is a excellent reason to bound with someone.

sorry but what do you mean?

Like caring about someone and willling to provide to eachother's needs sounds like an healthy relationship goal.

[Acetyl]

Escrito originalmente por Holografix:

Escrito originalmente por Chalupabaras:

You don't need a girlfriend, OP. You need to be single -- on purpose. If you can't love yourself, there's no way in hell you can love anyone else.

that's true theory; if you're a wreck you can't love anyone because you can't even take care of yourself. Recovering addicts receive the same advice. Get a plant. If you manage to water it and it doesn't die, you can move on to fish. If the fish don't die, you can get a hamster. And so on, and so on, until you can be with another person.

it's sage advice.

It assumes a lot. It's normal advice for normal people.