Tell me a joke!

[Myster_Dan]

Post a funny joke! Dumb jokes are okay too. I'll start.

---

How many beans do they use when they make Irish Bean Soup?

239.

(Irish accent) Because if they added one more, it would be too farty.

[Spookypizza]

Publicado originalmente por Grynn:

The only joke I know:

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them

dark humor moment

[Bomb Shot]

I drink coke with zero sugar but it's sweet.

[Donald Trump]

uhhh let me think of a joke, brb

[Myster_Dan]

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all of the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

[76561198278961361]

Publicado originalmente por 🌸 Wraith 🌸:

Publicado originalmente por Myster_Dan:

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all of the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

That's deep.

that's what she said

[Myster_Dan]

Knock, knock. / Who's there?
Ether.
Ether who?
Ether Bunny.

Knock, knock. / Who's there?
Nother.
Nother who?
Nother Ether Bunny.

Knock, knock. / Who's there?
Stella.
Stello who?
Stella nother Ether Bunny.

Knock, knock. / Who's there?
Consumption.
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about all these Ether Bunnies?

Knock, knock. / Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Car go "beep beep" and run over all the Ether Bunnies.

Knock, knock. / Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry; Ether Bunny be back next year.

[【ボス B o s s】]

Publicado originalmente por Myster_Dan:

Tell me a joke!

My life.

*Ba-dum tiss*
https://youtu.be/4VTBMznLrWs

[Myster_Dan]

A woman was touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, she engaged in small talk with the man who handled the snakes.

"Gosh!" exclaimed the woman. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?"

"Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler.

"Well," she continued, "what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?"

"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."

"What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.

"Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."

[Masque]

14 year old kid gets a job in a big supermarket in Miami Beach.

He's working in the produce section, and a man comes by and asks for half a head of lettuce. Kid says, "We only sell whole lettuce heads here. Can't do it." Guy is very persistent, and eventually the kid says, "OK, I'll go ask the manager."

He heads to the manager's office, and unbeknownst to him, the customer tags along.

Kid finds the manager, and says, "Some a**hole in Produce wants half a head of lettuce", and belatedly realizing the customer followed him, continues, "and this fine gentleman agreed to buy the other half." Manager says, "Fine, go cut a head in half, and give them each half."

Later, the manager says to the kid, "you know, you are fast on your feet. i saw what you did there. Where are you from?"

Kid says, "Canada."

"Why did you leave there to come here?"

Kid, says, "Had to. It's a sh**hole, nothing but wh*res and hockey players."

Manager says, "Really? My wife is from Canada." "What team did she play for?"

[Myster_Dan]

That reminds me of how Canada got it's name. The founders wrote all of the letters of the alphabet onto slips of paper and put them into a bag. They drew 3 letters:

"C", eh?

"N", eh?

"D", eh?

[Myster_Dan]

Write the following words on a piece of paper, and fold the paper in half.

TRAIN   TRAIN
SAY     TRAIN
DOPE    TRAIN
THIS    TRAIN
MADE    TRAIN
I       TRAIN
TIMES   TRAIN
MANY    TRAIN
HOW     TRAIN
LOOK    TRAIN

In a group of friends, single someone out and have them read the words out loud in this order.

1. Fold the paper in half & have them read the left column top to bottom.
   
2. Turn the paper over & have them read the right column top to bottom.
   
3. Unfold the paper & have them read each line from left to right.
   
4. Fold the paper in half & have them read the right column bottom to top.
   
5. Turn the paper over & have them read the left column bottom to top.

[$2 Hero]

Biden graduated the top of his class.

[The Grim Reaper]

Publicado originalmente por Xero_Daxter:

Publicado originalmente por The Grim Reaper:

Knock knock...

Who’s there?

I forgot.

[krag hag]

Publicado originalmente por The Grim Reaper:

Publicado originalmente por Xero_Daxter:

Who’s there?

I forgot.

I legit laughed just now.

[【ボス B o s s】]

Publicado originalmente por 🌸 Wraith 🌸:

I don't lead. Don't follow me. U_U

*Laughs in 3D*