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They are, so what?
though i prefer to say they're cute nerds :3
She bounced from one job to another and back to school. Despite not having much money, Madison spent way too much time on home shopping channels with her phone in hand. If it weren’t that, it was televangelists. She was not religious though felt compelled to donate.
All this was fine until the charges started showing up on my card. We didn’t have a joint card.
Hmm.. Well, some things like that are "mine." They're not for sharing. :)
But, I can tell something related - Two instances where I "knew" I was in love.
The first was a "Love at First Sight" situation. Purely. Without question. It was a moment where I felt like I had been hit in the face with a pillow full of bricks. Soft bricks, but...
In college, I went with a friend over to an apartment shared by several girls. I knew one of them well, but didn't know the rest. The door opened, we went in and I saw and talked with the one that I knew. (Just a girl "friend.") We were just there to hang out... kinda.
The girls said they were planning to go over to another house and asked us to tag along. They were all doing that "getting ready" thing and a few were chatting with us in the main living room. This was an old house that had been converted into large apartments and this one had three and a half bedrooms. (That last one was tiny..)
One of the bedrooms opened up on the common room and the door was open. There was a girl in there sitting on her bed, talking on the phone she had dragged in there. This was before "cell pones," believe it or not. So, a long cord led all the way from the common room and through that door.
I just caught the barest glance from the side as she sat there, jabbering away. She stood up, turned around, and... that was it. I was done.
I don't mean "attracted to." No. I don't mean intrigued by, interested in, or just "Miss. Rightnow"...
For a split second, there wasn't anything more important in my life at that moment than she was. And, for quite a few seconds after, there wasn't anyone else in the room. The furniture didn't even exist. I couldn't hear what the other people sitting nearby were saying - As far as my brain, or whatever was thinking, they didn't exist.
My brain stopped working. I had no inner monologue that was more complex than "uggh." It's the most uncanny experience I've ever had and I've had a bunch. I had no idea who she was and knew nothing about her, but I would have taken a bullet for her right then and there and would have been completely OK with that.
So, we all went to the house and yada yada... We became very close, but I think I thought that, perhaps, I just wasn't good enough for her. Hey, we all go through our phases, right? We were inseparable for a long time, but, well, stuff happens. We were friends for about twenty years or so until time and distance did its work. I never stopped loving her, though, that much is sure.
***
The other moment of clarity hit me in much the same way. I had become very close with a girl "friend" of mine. (I was lucky, back then - I had a lot of girl "friends" and was fairly well known.)
We had been friends for years. I met her pretty much the exact same way I met the girl above - Just a happenstance occasion where our mutual friends brought us together. We were a pretty big crowd of "Friends" back then and did just about everything together either in small groups or the whole gaggle of people going on vacation together. Different times, back then...
It's pretty simple. I was standing at the back door to a house, she was in the kitchen at the counter, it was a nice Summer afternoon, and she laughed at something..
That was it. Nothing else existed for me at that moment. <boom><headshot>
It wasn't like I was standing there pining away for the fjords or her or ice-cream and someone happened to come by with a trip to the fjords or ice-cream or her.. Nope. I was totally oblivious. I may as well have been thinking about baseball cards.
But, when I glanced over at her and saw her laugh, the house disappeared. The other people standing there didn't exist. I knew right then that though we had been friends for a very long time, I had ignored the fact that what I'd been doing for the last few months was refusing to admit to myself that was I was in love with her.
We had a relationship for several years. In the end, there were two different paths and each of us had to take one. It's the sort of thing where it's not the heart that makes the decision, it's the reality of who's involved. Neither of us were capable of blaming the other. We knew our natures and what we had to do. And, that was that. :)
***
I've been blessed with not just a few loving relationships in my life. I've been married, divorced, been "shacked-up" a couple of times, had long-distance, next-door, secret, very much not secret enough, casual, very not casual... The whole gambit.
But, those are the only two moments in my life, so far, where I was dumbstruck with the realization that I was in love. One was "at first sight" and one was with "new eyes." I'll tell ya, it doesn't get more darn confusing or wonderful than that. :)
what can i tell? even if i have a gf, i would treat her as just a girl friend