Topic on Confidence

[Alf]

A lot of people say it's good to be confident because it is more appealing to people, but what does it actually mean in action? And how do people obtain confidence or is it simply something you have or you don't? And how can you differentiate between true and false confidence?

Edit: Now that the topic is exhausted, I have added my personal opinion on the matter.

"Now, I will answer the question as to what I think confidence is, and how it is obtained. Confidence is learnt best during certain stages while growing up, somewhere around ages 7 to 11 years old, when children are learning about their capabilities and talents instead of comparing themselves to other children by their physical attributes, such as height and hair color.

From age 7 to 11, it is important that parents/teachers provide their children opportunity and nurturing. Opportunity means to provide the child a learning environment, a place where children can learn new skills. The nurturing part is where the teacher and/or parents are either praising/acknowledging the child for their new skills they have learnt and to moderately assist the child when he or she is struggling or fails. In contrast, a child who lacks opportunity and nurturing will most likely lack confidence as an adult.

This does not apply to everyone or to every case, however, building a sense of confidence is heavily rooted in one's foundation, namely, their childhood experiences.

Some corrections here, confidence is rather a behavior than something that is learnt. Confidence comes from knowing that, "I can do it." And it's not a fake, "I know I can do it" but rather the feelings of confidence that comes from repeated successes throughout one's life."

[Auraplayer (Stir Crazy)]

引用自 Alf：

引用自 Auraplayer (Writing blob)：

Hell, I can surmise that most of the people here have issues regarding their confidence and self-worth and may require further assistance.

Which goes back to my theory of opportunity and nurture and the importance of having a good foundation set in childhood.

Which not everyone enjoys having. Such is life, after all: some may have been born with a silver spoon in their mouths, while others may have to carry themselves by the bootstraps to trudge on with a harsh existence. Moreover, not everyone reacts the same to a particular social scenario.

[Alf]

引用自 Auraplayer (Writing blob)：

Which not everyone enjoys having.

True, but now they can (possibly) know why they feel inadequate in themselves and start to take control of their lives and begin to develop the sense of confidence which their parents could have failed to instill into them--parental failure isn't always the case for one's feeling of inadequacy, the lack of confidence.

It's hard to repair something when you don't know why you think or behave in such a way. Mature adults can learn to love and nurture themselves, something that wasn't given to them at a young age.

[Auraplayer (Stir Crazy)]

引用自 Alf：

引用自 Auraplayer (Writing blob)：

Which not everyone enjoys having.

True, but now they can (possibly) know why they feel inadequate and start to take control of their lives and begin to develop the sense of confidence which their parents could have failed to instill into them--parental failure isn't always the case.

It's hard to repair something when you don't know why you think or behave in such a way. Adults, with their mental capacity, can learn to love and nurture themselves.

And that's where the mental therapists and psychologists come in. Helps with detecting mental anomalies alongside making sure that one's mind is up and running properly. I myself may become one if I can't fulfill my aspiration to become a medical doctor.

[Alf]

引用自 Auraplayer (Writing blob)：

And that's where the mental therapists and psychologists come in. Helps with detecting mental anomalies alongside making sure that one's mind is up and running properly. I myself may become one if I can't fulfill my aspiration to become a medical doctor. :cozycrashfish:

Hey, I too, am working towards of becoming a medical doctor. I suppose you want to become a psychiatrist?

[Auraplayer (Stir Crazy)]

引用自 Alf：

引用自 Auraplayer (Writing blob)：

And that's where the mental therapists and psychologists come in. Helps with detecting mental anomalies alongside making sure that one's mind is up and running properly. I myself may become one if I can't fulfill my aspiration to become a medical doctor.

Hey, I too, am working towards of becoming a medical doctor. I suppose you want to become a psychiatrist?

OB-Gynecologist. Don't ask. More like either a psychometrician, an HR official, or a psychologist, either in Research or Clinical if my main specialization doesn't work well with me.

[Kiddiec͕̤̱͋̿͑͠at 🃏]

引用自 Alf：

...
The confident person is complete and doesn't depend on others for validations or invalidations, as in the case you are speaking about. In other words, confident people are unwavering and they know exactly who they are. ....

No one knows exactly who they, themselves, are.
You might know enough about yourself to think that you do but not enough that you realize you actually don't.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology)

Another example, which kind of refers to the same thing from a different perspective, is the Johari Window :
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johari_window#The_four_quadrants

The author of the textbook in my humanities class, suggested that upon much self-reflection, one can determine how much of their mind falls into each of the four categories (all 4 of them), & work towards bringing them into the "Open" & "Facade" areas (the latter being for stuff you'd rather keep private).

This argument is demonstrably false, through some simple logic that my professor pointed out, though... if neither you nor others know what is in the unknown quadrant of your mind (this if statement is true, every time for everyone, btw) then you have no way of actually measuring how much more self there is, that is unknown to both others & yourself.

It could be quite a lot, or it could be just a little bit - but considering that no one is currently knowledgeable enough to understand the architecture & coding of their own minds or DNA
...[as a result / consequently] I will always confidently place my estimate on "it's probably quite a lot - at least more than anyone realizes or cares to admit to themselves".

引用自 Alf：

...
Compliments that came from their parents such as, "Oh, you are so smart," days are over with. Confident people know they are smart. That's just an example; not all confident people are smart, which is a relative word anyhow.
...

Nobody is smart, including the people who are confident enough to say that they are.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glnqzfPNEzM

引用自 Alf：

...
To summarize, you can't bully a truly confident person to doubt themselves because they know themselves.

People who cast doubt aren't usually intending to bully - in fact, actual bullies tend to just violate boundaries & cause harm.

Most people who cast doubt, are challenging you to make your points stronger, or your plans better.

If someone tells you that something is not going to work, something that you are planning on doing, whether or not they suggest why - that is just their opinion, however, it is not a baseless opinion (though, it may appear so if they did not explain their reasoning); ...and if your plan actually fails, are you still going to look back upon that person & think, "That person was bullying me to doubt myself?" ...the fact of the matter is... they were right.

In that type of scenario, in that moment that they told you that you were wrong or your way was not going to work, you should have doubted yourself - even if the end result was that (even if they provided advice) you have sound reasoning for your plan & no reason to trust this person; you should have doubted yourself when a potentially well-meaning dissenter said, "this isn't going to work".

This is definitively true in a scenario where the planned choices actually didn't work. Whether one took any time to re-evaluate before moving forward or simply ignored what they were told, instead, is a defining factor between confidence & arrogance. You're not arrogant if you fail but you are arrogant if you fail after ignoring advice that you didn't even bother to consider after receiving. - In fact, even one who succeeds is arrogant if they don't consider any alternative points (in the event that they actually had time to consider such points)
...they just got lucky this time.

[Fly Guy]

Okay, I AM BACK! I've been following this thread for a bit now and I have to say I love reading your opinion on what confidence is and you are very thorough on the topic Alf! You must have done your research to come to the conclusion that you have! What a mighty young high school student at that! **Pat on back**

I'm not a psychology major; however, I, am a bit familiar with the aspect of human development and am a firm believer in the staged based theory, so you won't find any objections from me!

[swillfly]

Alf must be taking a creative writing or basic psych course...

[Fly Guy]

引用自 swillfly：

Alf must be taking a creative writing or basic psych course...

Yeah huh? As much as the observation that tree leaves are green right? lol.

[swillfly]

引用自 Fly Guy：

引用自 swillfly：

Alf must be taking a creative writing or basic psych course...

Yeah huh? As much as the observation that tree leaves are green right? lol.

True, of course anything green around my neighborhood generally gets smoked by the neighbors... so Steam OT forums is a lil step up.