Topic on Confidence

[Alf]

A lot of people say it's good to be confident because it is more appealing to people, but what does it actually mean in action? And how do people obtain confidence or is it simply something you have or you don't? And how can you differentiate between true and false confidence?

Edit: Now that the topic is exhausted, I have added my personal opinion on the matter.

"Now, I will answer the question as to what I think confidence is, and how it is obtained. Confidence is learnt best during certain stages while growing up, somewhere around ages 7 to 11 years old, when children are learning about their capabilities and talents instead of comparing themselves to other children by their physical attributes, such as height and hair color.

From age 7 to 11, it is important that parents/teachers provide their children opportunity and nurturing. Opportunity means to provide the child a learning environment, a place where children can learn new skills. The nurturing part is where the teacher and/or parents are either praising/acknowledging the child for their new skills they have learnt and to moderately assist the child when he or she is struggling or fails. In contrast, a child who lacks opportunity and nurturing will most likely lack confidence as an adult.

This does not apply to everyone or to every case, however, building a sense of confidence is heavily rooted in one's foundation, namely, their childhood experiences.

Some corrections here, confidence is rather a behavior than something that is learnt. Confidence comes from knowing that, "I can do it." And it's not a fake, "I know I can do it" but rather the feelings of confidence that comes from repeated successes throughout one's life."

[Vince ✟]

The greatest point in life is when a person realizes they have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone. There is liberty in knowing this in your heart.

[Neuro]

Początkowo opublikowane przez Candyy ♡:

I still cannot like myself so yeah, maybe that is the reason for low confidence

So, my problem is I have very high confidence, but very low self esteem, it becomes a weird circle where winning isn't possible, stay outta prison and things will be ok, one day.

[swillfly]

erm... WhoTF is "kesha"?

[Radene]

Początkowo opublikowane przez Alf:

So is confidence something that you either have or don't have?

No. It's an act of self-reflection and being aware of the fact that a lot of what you're thinking is nonsense.

And when you prune that nonsense, magic happens.

It's not even hard! But if you make a big deal out of it and find excuses for everything, you won't even be able to put your shoes on without whining about how hard it is.

[Alf]

Początkowo opublikowane przez nextgengranny:

> in other words, the ultimate independent individual

There is no such thing in this life.

As a child you were nurtured, but when you grew up, supposing you're an adult now, you are expected to be a fully independent individual. If you feel clingy or needy on others as an adult, it's time to do some introspection to find out why you feel that you are not sufficient on your own.

Confidence is appealing and the opposite of that, clinginess, is not. (That's reserved for very young children, which makes sense because they aren't fully developed psychologically at this point.)

[nextgengranny]

Początkowo opublikowane przez Alf:

Początkowo opublikowane przez nextgengranny:

> in other words, the ultimate independent individual

There is no such thing in this life.

As a child you were nurtured, but when you grew up, supposing you're a full adult now, you are expected to be a fully independent individual. If you feel clingy or needy on others as an adult, it's time to do some introspection to find out why you feel that you are not sufficient in yourself.

Confidence is appealing and the opposite of that, clinginess, is not. (That's reserved for very young children.)

I'm not talking about being clingy. Do you work? Rent an apartment? Use electricity? Buy anything, from food to clothing?

As for being "sufficient in yourself", do you have friends, a lover? Or for that matter, why are you posting in a forum?

This is the sort of interdependency I'm referring to, & it's common.

[Candyy]

Początkowo opublikowane przez Neuro:

Początkowo opublikowane przez Candyy ♡:

I still cannot like myself so yeah, maybe that is the reason for low confidence

So, my problem is I have very high confidence, but very low self esteem, it becomes a weird circle where winning isn't possible, stay outta prison and things will be ok, one day.

Well, I am low on both :/

[Alf]

Początkowo opublikowane przez nextgengranny:

As for being "sufficient in yourself", do you have friends, a lover? Or for that matter, why are you posting in a forum?

This is the sort of interdependency I'm referring to, & it's common.

For the confident person, the people in their lives "complement" them; in other words, they do not complete them because they are complete. Clinginess, is when a person feels inadequate in themselves and feels lost (without someone), akin to a child that has lost his or her parents. In other words, confident people don't ever say, "You complete me."

Początkowo opublikowane przez nextgengranny:

why are you posting in a forum?

To explore people's opinion on the topic of what they believe confidence is.

[Auraplayer (Stir Crazy)]

Well, constant beratement and discouragement from loved ones can lower one's confidence and self-worth. How do I know that? It's because I'm one of those people who don't react well to such steady stream of negativity that is only common in high-stress job positions.

[Alf]

Początkowo opublikowane przez Auraplayer (Writing blob):

Well, constant beratement and discouragement from loved ones can lower one's confidence and self-worth. How do I know that? It's because I'm one of those people who don't react well to such steady stream of negativity that is only common in high-stress job positions. :cozyjunimogreen:

The confident person is complete and doesn't depend on others for validations or invalidations, as in the case you are speaking about. In other words, confident people are unwavering and they know exactly who they are. Compliments that came from their parents such as, "Oh, you are so smart," days are over with. Confident people know they are smart. That's just an example; not all confident people are smart, which is a relative word anyhow.

To summarize, you can't bully a truly confident person to doubt themselves because they know themselves.

[nextgengranny]

Początkowo opublikowane przez Alf:

Początkowo opublikowane przez nextgengranny:

As for being "sufficient in yourself", do you have friends, a lover? Or for that matter, why are you posting in a forum?

This is the sort of interdependency I'm referring to, & it's common.

For the confident person, the peoples in their lives "complement" them; in other words, they do not complete them because they are complete. Clinginess, is when a person feel inadequate in themselves and feel lost, akin to a child that has lost his or her parents. In other words, confident people don't ever say, "You complete me."

Początkowo opublikowane przez nextgengranny:

why are you posting in a forum?

To explore people's opinion on the topic of what they believe confidence is.

I don't think you grasp the concept of people complimenting each other, which is not at all the same as "completing each other". But I think you & I are at very different stages of life, so I will leave the conversation here. Peace.

[Alf]

Początkowo opublikowane przez nextgengranny:

Peace.

Tata.

[Auraplayer (Stir Crazy)]

Początkowo opublikowane przez Alf:

Początkowo opublikowane przez Auraplayer (Writing blob):

Well, constant beratement and discouragement from loved ones can lower one's confidence and self-worth. How do I know that? It's because I'm one of those people who don't react well to such steady stream of negativity that is only common in high-stress job positions.

The confident person is complete and doesn't depend on others for validations or invalidations, as in the case you are speaking about. In other words, confident people are unwavering and they know exactly who they are.

That's the thing: confidence is not some innate quality of the human mind that can be exploited at will; at some point in one's life, particularly their formative years, one's developing ego will require nuturing, encouragement, even false confidence to enable one's own ego, one's own confidence to foster and grow, to the point of self-sufficiency, which means that they are now confident in themselves without much need of others for propping up their sense of self. Unfortunately, not everyone, which would also include myself, gets to have such a privilege of a stable development of the mind. Hell, I can surmise that most of the people here have issues regarding their confidence and self-worth and may require further assistance.

[AustrAlien2010]

Ever considered that those people may just have needed someone to spit their rhetoric towards, and you just happened to be in their way?

Sometimes people simply need a listener present, so they can talk about themselves, their own insecurities, and their own beliefs. But those beliefs don't necessarily have to become your beliefs.

[Alf]

Początkowo opublikowane przez Auraplayer (Writing blob):

Hell, I can surmise that most of the people here have issues regarding their confidence and self-worth and may require further assistance. :cozyjunimogreen:

Which goes back to my theory of opportunity and nurture and the importance of having a good foundation set in childhood.