How can I convince my parents that playing online is ok?

[Zoomii]

So, I'm 17, just to start out. Ever since I was a little kid, around 9 or 10, my parents have tried to burn into my mind that talking to people online that I don't know in real life is bad. They think that if I do something as simple as enter into a voice chat on a game and say "Hi" that I'll be kidnapped or something. Like I said, I'm 17 and I'm not really worried about that because I know that isn't really the case. I know there is nothing wrong with talking to people and having online friends, but my parents think EVERYONE online is a murderer or predator. It's also funny because if I'm playing with someone I don't know but they're a friend of a real life friend, they think it's ok because my friend knows them, even though there's nothing stopping THEM from being a murderer or something. They kind of contradict themselves as to who I can and can't talk to online. Anyway, what can I do to convince them that playing games with others is ok?

Edit: I have talked to people online when playing games. I typically just act like I'm ONLY playing with my real life friend, who is usually there, but they are always like "Who are you playing with?" If I get a text they are like "Who was that?" It's like they always have to be in my business about anything regarding computer communication. Maybe it's because they are a bit older than most parents of teens my age. My parents were born in the 60's and constantly tell me about how life was before computers existed. Maybe they worry because they aren't tech savvy?

Edit 2: Yes, I realize bad stuff happens through the Internet. But I'm also 17 and have enough common sense not to give out all of my personal information to someone.

[pasa]

Convincing people 1 generation up about anything they not believe at the start is futile effort in 98+% of the cases. One's parents are no exception. (probably the ration is even more on the wrong side there.)

Also there is usually little reason to convert people to your beliefs, let them think their way and you your way.

If they also control your life, then it is a somewhat different matter and may be a realistic problem. However that is also pretty common and you are supposed to find your way to cope with that one way or the other.

[Zoomii]

Darkie eredeti hozzászólása:

Zoomii eredeti hozzászólása:

Meh, I'll just keep playing the ♥♥♥♥ I've been playing for the past few years. I've got plenty of stuff to keep me going until then. Plus, I can still play online games without a mic, so it'll all turn out ok I think.

Plenty of MP games are just fine without a mic, a good example could be Rocket League.

Most multiplayer games I play don't need a mic. However, it's kind of pointless to try doing a raid in Destiny for example without a mic. This post is about situations where I NEED to use a mic.

[Kiddiec͕̤̱͋̿͑͠at 🃏]

Zoomii eredeti hozzászólása:

Moose eredeti hozzászólása:

It's nice that your parents have so much concern for you, good parents, even if it seems a little over the top. It sounds like they are scared of something they don't understand.
If they ask you who are you playing with, just tell them. Don't hide anything, if you start that then you will make things worse. Just tell them the guys nickname and that's all you know and that's all that guy knows about you.
And yeh don't give any personal information out(like your age).

Honestly I think it would be better to just tell them I'm talking to someone on my team or in my game, and if they ask more questions than go from there.

It's "then go from there" not "than go from there". Than is for comparisons of X is more than Y. See, MikeBob might be right! You need to do some more reading. Heheh.

MikeBob2013 eredeti hozzászólása:

(Heh. He can only read one at a time! 😋)

Ah, right. I sometimes forget that most of the rest of you aren't machines consisting of multiple server-nodes that can each, independently & simultaneously, process a diverse variety of information on each of its server-stacks and then instantly disseminate what it has learned with the other nodes.


⠀

⠀

[Alix]

Zoomii eredeti hozzászólása:

"Who are you playing with?"

"Oh, it's my dude, a nice sixty-year-old guy. I'll meet him tomorrow in the shopping mall. We like to talk about young girls, human cannibalism and Hitler."

[Insanity Claus]

I think it might be time to sit them down and have a talk with them. Their behavior sounds very controlling and sheltering. That can be bad for you. Kids need to be gradually exposed to the real world or else they often experience an inability to cope and function. This is often seen in kids that come from "helicopter parents" and "lawnmower parents" where their kids are unable to deal with situations on their own and require authority figures to act on their behalf. You're nearly a legal adult. They should start treating you appropriately.

It can also be bad for them. Empty Nest Syndrome is a real thing and it can result in some really poor mental health in parents and bad habits. Depression is common. Trying to exert control over their adult-aged children can result in estranged relationships with their children. They may interfere with the personal relationships of their adult children, such as sabotaging romantic relationships.

However, it is heir house, so it's their rules. When you turn 18, you'll be able to move out and then do what you want.

Kiddiec͕̤̱͋̿͑͠at eredeti hozzászólása:

I've heard so many people tell me and others things like...
"When you're 18, you're an adult and can just do whatever you want." and
"Oh, well, you can just move out!"

Yeah, to where? With what money? If your household has been sufficiently restrictive - there's no "JUST" about it! That's a HUGE leap of faith for someone with no money or resources to take that will almost certainly wind up landing them in a situation that is worse.


:ddgeye::biteouch::crying_eye:

⠀⠀:ninjasmoke:
⠀:holywater:
:strengthgnz::notcool:

Get a job and get an apartment with friends. Go off to university. Millions of people successfully do it every year. I did it. Nearly all of my friends did it. It's really not as daunting as you might think.

[Insanity Claus]

What I mean by an inability to cope and function is seen in Erickson's theory of psychosocial development. It's a well-established and widely accepted theory of developmental stages and the consequences that can occur when these stages are stunted or not sufficiently met.

https://www.verywellmind.com/erik-eriksons-stages-of-psychosocial-development-2795740

[Zoomii]

BSLeavingLasVegas eredeti hozzászólása:

I think it might be time to sit them down and have a talk with them. Their behavior sounds very controlling and sheltering. That can be bad for you. Kids need to be gradually exposed to the real world or else they often experience an inability to cope and function. This is often seen in kids that come from "helicopter parents" and "lawnmower parents" where their kids are unable to deal with situations on their own and require authority figures to act on their behalf. You're nearly a legal adult. They should start treating you appropriately.

It can also be bad for them. Empty Nest Syndrome is a real thing and it can result in some really poor mental health in parents and bad habits. Depression is common. Trying to exert control over their adult-aged children can result in estranged relationships with their children. They may interfere with the personal relationships of their adult children, such as sabotaging romantic relationships.

However, it is heir house, so it's their rules. When you turn 18, you'll be able to move out and then do what you want.

Kiddiec͕̤̱͋̿͑͠at eredeti hozzászólása:

I've heard so many people tell me and others things like...
"When you're 18, you're an adult and can just do whatever you want." and
"Oh, well, you can just move out!"

Yeah, to where? With what money? If your household has been sufficiently restrictive - there's no "JUST" about it! That's a HUGE leap of faith for someone with no money or resources to take that will almost certainly wind up landing them in a situation that is worse.


:ddgeye::biteouch::crying_eye:

⠀⠀:ninjasmoke:
⠀:holywater:
:strengthgnz::notcool:

Get a job and get an apartment with friends. Go off to university. Millions of people successfully do it every year. I did it. Nearly all of my friends did it. It's really not as daunting as you might think.

My mom is definitely a helicopter parent. She tries to do everything for me and is super protective of me. My dad is cool, he just lightly enforces her rules to keep her from stressing about me. I think I need to have a talk with her about letting me have a little more freedom and for her to stop being over my shoulder 24/7, even though she may not like it. I don't even want to do anything to crazy. I don't have any interest in going out and partying or doing drugs or whatever. I think this has kind of made me realize that I need to need to start learning skills on how to take care of myself. It isn't just about gaming with people online, I need to start looking out for myself a bit, which I don't mind.

[Insanity Claus]

Please read over the link I posted about Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development. Read up a bit on the effects that helicopter parenting can have on children and their parents. Maybe print these out to use when you talk to her about your situation. Explain that you understand she means well and that you love her for being so caring and concerned about you, but that you worry that her being overly protective of you may be negative for yourself and for her. Try to address it in as calm and understanding a manner as possible. Parents do this because they desire to help their kids and they don't realize the negative effects that it can have when that desire becomes overzealous.

These things are not absolute. Kids from helicopter parents can certainly turn out independent and kids from parents that provide proper levels of autonomy can turn out dependent on authority. However, the theory is generally pretty sound and is widely accepted by psychologists.

Having loving, caring parents is a wonderful thing, but sometimes they can manifest their love for their children in ways that are detrimental to both themselves and to their child.

You sound like a smart, respectful person with a good head on your shoulders and that will carry you very far in life. Best of luck.

[AdahnGorion]

Zoomii eredeti hozzászólása:

Darkie eredeti hozzászólása:

Plenty of MP games are just fine without a mic, a good example could be Rocket League.

Most multiplayer games I play don't need a mic. However, it's kind of pointless to try doing a raid in Destiny for example without a mic. This post is about situations where I NEED to use a mic.

Then buy a mic and talk. Tell your parents that you are no kid and make proper arguments. Problem solved. Take control of the situation. As I parent, I find it very weird, that one would block a 17 year old son from using a mic online in games, unless he was very problematic (we talk about harsh abuse, griefing etc) but then again, my kids would not act like that after all.

[Kiddiec͕̤̱͋̿͑͠at 🃏]

BSLeavingLasVegas eredeti hozzászólása:

...
However, it is heir house, so it's their rules. When you turn 18, you'll be able to move out and then do what you want.

Kiddiec͕̤̱͋̿͑͠at eredeti hozzászólása:

I've heard so many people tell me and others things like...

"When you're 18, you're an adult and can just do whatever you want." and
"Oh, well, you can just move out!"

Yeah, to where? With what money? If your household has been sufficiently restrictive - there's no "JUST" about it! That's a HUGE leap of faith for someone with no money or resources to take that will almost certainly wind up landing them in a situation that is worse.

...

Get a job and get an apartment with friends.
Go off to university.
Millions of people successfully do it every year. I did it. Nearly all of my friends did it. It's really not as daunting as you might think.

Well, your line just before that quote & response shows me that you're one of those "Just move out" people but thanks for adding the lines that I was forgetting about. You seem to have missed the part where I wrote, "sufficiently restrictive".

Because of the way legal authorities work, parents CAN, & sometimes do, restrict their kid from getting a job & income before turning 18. Then they turn 18 and, "my house, my rules, if you're not paying rent, I can kick you out whenever I want", which they can hold over their heads at every turn to extort them with, not just in terms of money but in getting their way with other things too.

Without money, the offspring can't enter into a rental agreement & even if there is some exchange of money, the parents don't have to draw up a lease - no lease, technically you're not a real tenant. Without somewhere to go, it's infeasible for the offspring to just walk out so they don't get extorted and can actually get income. Someone in that situation, with no one to stay with, who actually does walk out, will very quickly end up in the homeless shelter with poor hygiene - then they can't get a job either; no employer wants to hire someone who looks like a bum even if that person is willing to clean themselves up, if only they were simply provided a shower and a razor. & University isn't free, or your friend. You're just another resource to them too.

It doesn't matter if "millions do it successfully" - yeah, millions of people also have honest, loving, families that are actually supporting their kids to be the best that they can be. Some people don't.
For some people, the support their family provides is simply enough to keep them safe & controlled.
Most people's families actually fall somewhere in-between those 2 pictures... not quite the totally manipulative abusers I've described, but not quite the perfect, always honest, always loving, and unconditionally encouraging family, either.

To assume that everybody has that perfect starting life and nobody is ever held back by their family in any way (and for some few... in some very large & significant ways) is pure ignorance as to the reality of the world. Either you didn't know or you've been choosing not to hear it when people tell you that these kinds of situations exist.

[Zoomii]

Darkie eredeti hozzászólása:

Zoomii eredeti hozzászólása:

Most multiplayer games I play don't need a mic. However, it's kind of pointless to try doing a raid in Destiny for example without a mic. This post is about situations where I NEED to use a mic.

Then buy a mic and talk. Tell your parents that you are no kid and make proper arguments. Problem solved. Take control of the situation. As I parent, I find it very weird, that one would block a 17 year old son from using a mic online in games, unless he was very problematic (we talk about harsh abuse, griefing etc) but then again, my kids would not act like that after all.

I don't act like this. I realized from talking with another user on this thread that my parents, primarily my mom, are helicopter parents. I'm going to try to take some steps to gain a little more freedom and get them off of my back about every little thing. I realize they love me, but I'm about to be an adult and I need to be able to look after and take care of myself.

[刘鹏辉 15947033800]

you dont

[Starbug]

Zoomii eredeti hozzászólása:

Darkie eredeti hozzászólása:

Then buy a mic and talk. Tell your parents that you are no kid and make proper arguments. Problem solved. Take control of the situation. As I parent, I find it very weird, that one would block a 17 year old son from using a mic online in games, unless he was very problematic (we talk about harsh abuse, griefing etc) but then again, my kids would not act like that after all.

I don't act like this. I realized from talking with another user on this thread that my parents, primarily my mom, are helicopter parents. I'm going to try to take some steps to gain a little more freedom and get them off of my back about every little thing. I realize they love me, but I'm about to be an adult and I need to be able to look after and take care of myself.

Good lad

[Nabster]

At 17, your are pretty much an adult and should be able to take care of yourself, you probably knows more about online then your parents. You should still educate yourself about the danger online from a reputable source that your parents can trust (government or school website). Then talk about it with your parents to show what you understand.

Set appropriate boundaries etc, like never give out personal info, be transparent on your online activity etc

[chiefputsilao✖️ping]

tell your parents they are grounded if they keep on playing online games by themselves.