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Level 10 on Phantom Forces 👻 ⚜️Roblox Builder G O L D 🏆 member ship⚜️ 11 years experience 11 years old
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⬇ Leave username 🅱elow⬇
You’re 22.
Be turning 23 soon.
Ask parents for Shrek themed party.
Just like the last 12 years.
Mom says I'm too old for Shrek
Tell her she better check herself before she Shrek's herself
Mom asks if I've taken my meds.
I say yes, then ask for an onion flavored cake.
Mom says no.
I call her a Farquaad ♥♥♥♥♥.
She sends me to my room and tears stream down my face.
Jacking off will probably cheer me up.
Pull out super dreck MLP Friendship is Magic DVD collection
Open them up to see five Shrek discs (including Puss in Boots) that my mom thought were in her room.
Its the 171st day of the year.
Today I am scheduled to masturbate to Artie from Shrek the Third.
Fap furiously when Artie appears and am finished in seconds.
Wipe semen off my chest with Twilight Sparkle stuffed pony.
Start to think about fight with mother again.
Get an idea.
Sneak out of room.
Mom is sleeping.
Go to shed in backyard
Grab the sharpest tool in the shed.
Stand outside Mom's door.
Too chicken to do it. I pray to Shrek for courage.
The scent of onions fill the room.
A green hand takes the tool from me.
"I'll take it from here laddie." Shrek says.
Shrek plants the tool deep in my mother's body ogre and ogre again.
The stabbing went on for almost an hour.
Blood sprayed all ogre the room and on my body. Especially my hands and arms.
Shrek is finally finished with my mother and he looks at me.
I pull off my blood soaked clothes and poke my butt in the air.
Shrek picks me up with one hand and uses his Schlong to sweep the remains of my mother off of her bed.
Despite the carnage, it still smells like onions.
But now the smell of waffles and litter enter the room as well.
Donkey, Fiona and Puss are suddenly at my side.
All of them are just as nude as Shrek.
Shrek flops down on his back on the bed.
Blood pools around him as his weight squeezes it out of the mattress like a sponge.
He still has me in one hand.
He skewers me on his shrock and begins using my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ to pleasure himself.
His slimy member provides lube, but it does nothing to stop the anal stretching as it flexibly snakes its way through my intestinal tract.
Princess Fiona jumps on top of me and I silently plead to Shrek that my small ♥♥♥♥ is enough to please her majesty.
Fiona slips my ♥♥♥♥ into her snatch and it closes in around my penis.
Her ogress ♥♥♥♥♥ vacuums my ♥♥♥♥ with the frenzy of a Jack in the Box customer trying to get just one little taste of his ogrely thick milkshake.
It feels as if the inside of my woody is being sucked out my pee hole.
I am now in the middle of an ogre sandwich. An Ogreo if you will.
I motorboat her giant green titties and suck the onion juice out of her nipples.
All the while with Shrek's green anaconda still slithering inside me.
I turn my head to the left and gasp for breath.
As I do, Donkey stuffs my mouth with his schlong.
It quickly finds its way deep into my esophagus.
I am finding hard to breath with Donkey's "little Donkey" thrusting within, yet never receding from my gaping mouth as one of my nostrils is filled with snot.
Puss in Boots nimbly climbs up the others and drags his ass and balls on my face.
Puss turns around and I see his small barbed baculum poking out from his fur.
He examines my two nose ♥♥♥♥♥ and thankfully chooses the one already filled with snot to jab his boner into.
It is the greatest moment of my life.
I submit myself completely to Fairy Tale Lands finest.
The amount of movement going in on inside of me is indescribable.
I am now 33% ♥♥♥♥.
I reach around and claw at Fiona's rump, trying to get a chance to stick my fist in the greatest woman of all time.
Then, it happened.
Shrek and Donkeys foreskin meet together in my tummy.
Their tips lightly kiss one another, right before spewing a stew of ♥♥♥ inflating my stomach like a water balloon.
Seconds later, I spunk into Fiona's ♥♥♥♥♥.
My eyes roll back in my head.
I am breathing furiously yet only through one nostril.
It isn't ogre yet.
I release a lengthy stream of semen as I never have before.
Donkey and Shrek still seem to be filling me with their love like a hose of sperm.
I am pumping an inhuman amount of jizz into Fiona, when I realize that it must be Shrek and Donkey whose ♥♥♥ is helping to give me extra virility.
Puss's saw like wang is finally running out of mucus to drill out of my nose and it begins shaving off my nose hairs.
My nose bleeds a thick pink blood-semen cocktail courtesy of Puss in Boots.
After about a minute, Shrek and Donkey's ogresm is complete.
Seconds later mine is done too.
I am more satisfied and exhausted than I have been in my entire life.
But it still isn't ogre.
I look deeply and lovingly into Fiona's green eyes as Puss and Donkey retreat from my orifices.
She spills forth from her mouth a cascade of all our juices.
It drenches my face and I squint to see Fiona, Donkey, and Puss all looking down on me with adoration.
Between gulps, I gargle "Shrek is love. Shrek is life."
I fall gently to sleep with Shrek's penis still moving inside of me and mine still inside Fiona.
I wake up the next morning in my mothers bed to the smell of onions and waffles.
I am alone except for the unrecognizable corpse on the floor.
Shrek and the others must have licked the ♥♥♥ all off because all that is left was blood and a floury substance on my hand.
I go to the kitchen to find a plate of onion waffles waiting for me.
Finally I have a family who cares for me.
After eating the feast my lovers left me, I went to my room to tell the other brogres online about my Shreksperience.
I find a note on the door.
"I was thinking about your party, and I decided that you can have a Far Far Away party after all. It is your big day and it is up to you to decide how to spend it. I will bake you your onion cake and make brownies for everyone else. Even though you have grown up into a wonderful Prince Charming, you will always be my special little boy. Love Mommy."
Prince Charming?
PRINCE CHARMING?
That ♥♥♥♥♥ deserved to die.
Here's why:
Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead.
Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it.
Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.
And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?
Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.
Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.
I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:
"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."
And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.