here's a drunk rant i texted someone about wreck it ralph ( Warning explicit and contains the most terrifying thing on the internet....opinions *gasp)

[Kalrim Frosthill]

i'm triggered
they are making a sequel to the WORST MOVIE EVER MADE
and its coming out next year
wreck it ralph was a movie that seemed good in theory
yet turned out absolutely trash
this movie made me have trust issues with disney
wreck it ralph was shown to be a movie about a villan in a video game who doesn't want to be a villan that seemed like an intresting premise from the trailers
yet when you go into this lie filled festering pile of horse crap
most of the intresting scenes from the trailers arn't even in the movie
the plot is that at night video game characters leave their normal in-game roles and are free to travel to other games. does this sound like any other movie to you? it's just night at the museum or toy story but with video game characters, this premise is used so often in movies now that all the magic of the idea is just gone .Wreck-It Ralph, the villan of the game Fix-It Felix, is hated by his game's characters for doing his job as the villan while the hero Felix is praised. i don't understand the problem of this if everyone hates him that means he is doing a good job at being the villan, like in a theatrical play when the villan appears on stage at the end for the curtain bow most audience members boo to show that he was such a hated villan and left a strong impact. Ralph announces at the game's thirtieth anniversary party that he will earn respect by winning a "medal" medals are earnt by winning a game... but this makes zero sense how can you earn a medal from a game you don't even belong in.. and isn't being in a game you don't belong in kind of like just showing up in another persons house and saying " yeah i live here now"(edited)
fake ass donkey kong ( ralph) finds out he can obtain a medal from the first-person shooter, Hero's Duty. here many characters make "poop jokes about the similarity between duty and doodie needless to say i was not ammused by this weak ass childlike humor) After leaving his own game he joins someone else who is playing heros duty, Ralph climbs the game's central beacon and obtains a medal, only to hatch a Cy-Bug, one of the game's antagonists, than the only clever scene in the entire movie happens one of the characters in "hero's duty" tells FAKE ASS DINKY KANG not to mess with or interact with the first person camra which is literally just a camera with a gun that has wheels which the player in the real world controls, he than proceedes to use the first person camera as a shield to protect himself from the Cy-bug resulting in the player getting a game over rage quitting the game and complaining about the game being a quater eater ( we can all relate to games similar to this E.G Space ace and dragons lair if you ever went to an arcade that had those) ralph drops his precious medal and than proceedes to the next game which is a cheap ass parody of mario kart called "Sugar Rush".
Meanwhile, with FAKE ASS DUNKY KING leaving his game like an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, his game is labelled as malfunctioning and faces being "unplugged" which is kinda like death except not permenant. Fake ass mario upon learning where the deserting douche went from Q*Bert ( did i mention this movie has stupid ass random cameos? it's purpose is for trailer fuel and so you say hey i remember him and the nostalgia distracts you from how much of an inconsisant trash movie this is) fake ass mario ventures to Hero's Duty, teaming up with the game's heroine, Sergeant Calhoun, to retrieve Ralph and the Cy-Bug. In Sugar Rush, Ralph's medal is stolen by literally the worst ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ character in this movie... i am a pretty big lover of disney movies and i have to say this ♥♥♥♥♥ is the worst "disney princess" i have ever seen she's got an annoying voice the personality of a ADHD skitsafrenic who is somehow both high on every drug and also suffering from withdrawls she makes random refereances to other games and movies at random times and it's to the point where something normal will happen and she'll FORCE CRAM referances down your throte being all like " HEY ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ REMEMBER HOW YOU LIKED THIS YEAR EAT THAT QUOTE EAT IT ♥♥♥♥♥ ENJOY IT YEAH YOU LIKE THAT MOVIE SO NOW WE'VE MENTIONED IT SO YOU BETTER LOVE THIS MOVIE YEAH ENJOY IT ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥".
anyway her name is Vanellope Von Schweetz or as i like to call her skitz kid. she uses the medal to buy her way into the daily races to determine who players can choose as their avatar. for some stupid broke ass reason the developers of the game won't let you choose whichever character you want no you have to choose from whatever character wins the daily race which is stupid imagine mortal kombat or smash bros but you can't choose your main because they didn't win some stupid tonament thing which you couldn't possibly even know about. and also if that's how the game's programmed does that mean the developers know the game characters are alive in that case why is FAKE ASS DUCKY KANK's game being "unplugged" they'd obviously know " oh his ♥♥♥♥♥♥ around in some other game probably dead or alive beach volly ball or some ♥♥♥♥" speaking of that why the ♥♥♥ can game characters just go to any game they please at any time?!.
probbaly a pedofile King Candy/ literally willy wonka and the mad hatter just put into a half assed make generic character blender, who is the ruler of FAKE ASS MARIO KART, forbids her from entering the race because she is a glitch. i don't think the movie makers understand what the ♥♥♥♥ a glitch is a glitch can't just make a completely " unique" ( she's really ♥♥♥♥♥ not) and new character you can't just accidently " whoops look i made a new character" and even if even if you some how ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ did this by accident a glitch that big would be noticed right away. back to the ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ass story FAKE ASS DORKY KORK and skitz kid agree to work together by building a race kart for Vanellope to win a race and retrieve the medal.(edited)
FAKE ASS DOLKY KEK and skitz kid go to Diet Cola Mountain ( ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ gross who the ♥♥♥♥ drinks diet cola and also why the ♥♥♥♥ wouldn't they get a brad deal missed opportunity) which is an unfinished race track. Learning that Skitz kid cannot drive, FAKE ASS DERKY KERD helps teach her. first of all how the hell does he know how to drive his game doesn't have any cars it makes zero sense how the hell he knows
willy wonka hatter hacks the game's code, obtaining FAKE ASS DARTY KUNT's medal, which he offers to him in exchange for preventing skitz kid from racing. He explains that if skitz kid wins and becomes playable, her glitches would be brought to the attention of players, their game would be unplugged and skitz kid would die, unable to leave the game because she is a glitch. more stupid ass reasons why not bug testing a game is stupid. FAKE ASS DANKY KUCK agrees, gettoing the kart. He returns to his own game, but notices skits kid's image on the side of the Sugar Rush cabinet, and realizes she was meant to be a playable character. how the hell could you not notice that ♥♥♥♥?! you live next to the game your entire life and you never noticed that ♥♥♥♥?! also that plot twist is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid
Elsewhere, Mario the gay builder and mrs halo man search Sugar Rush for FAKE ASS DORKY KING. Felix fears he has gone "Turbo", alluding to a rogue character of the same name who abandoned his own game and destroyed another out of jealousy, resulting in both being unplugged. Felix falls in love with Calhoun, but she abandons him when he reminds her of her late fiancé, who was eaten by Cy-Bugs on their wedding day as part of her backstory. Felix is later imprisoned in King Candy's castle, but Ralph frees him and Vanellope, rebuilding the kart. Calhoun discovers a swarm of Cy-Bug eggs underground, which hatch and start devouring the game. what even is this ♥♥♥♥?

fast forward king candy is actually turbo who left his game poisoning the other game and removed skitz girl because she was the actual ruler of the game and some ♥♥♥♥ and he turns into a spider ♥♥♥♥ and he has an annoying catch phrase turbo tastic their's a moment where they fake ralphs death but they milk it out for so long that you know his really not dead blah blah blah he earns respect the end
i actually had to LOOK UP the plot of this movie again because it was so genericly trash and unmemorable
♥♥♥♥♥ characters pointless cameos
pre-schooler humor
and references being shoved down your throte like your in a damn smut film
this movie is absolute ♥♥♥♥ and i hate it more than hitler
.... i'm sorry was that too much?

[Dennemi³]

Are you still drunk?

[what?]

Is this /r/copypasta material? Put your finger in it and taste it, what does it taste like? Salt? Karma? in any case, it's quality material. I'm sorry OP, but this work must be shared elsewhere on the internet. Not for archival purposes of course. It's not like we're going to make it another 20 years anyway. At the moment, this seems like it could prove useful in any future conversation I may have about entertainment that appears on the big screen.

Eh, was Wreck It Ralph bad? I think it's one of those movies that are so bad it's good, yet it certainly doesn't perform near the quality of Tommy Wiseau's "The Room", so does that mean it's horrible even ironically? I'll have to think about this.

[CrapAttackah]

"mario the gay builder and mrs. halo man"
this sentence is


good

[Kalrim Frosthill]

Denemi™ の投稿を引用：

Are you still drunk?

fortunately no

[Kalrim Frosthill]

name jeff の投稿を引用：

Is this /r/copypasta material? Put your finger in it and taste it, what does it taste like? Salt? Karma? in any case, it's quality material. I'm sorry OP, but this work must be shared elsewhere on the internet. Not for archival purposes of course. It's not like we're going to make it another 20 years anyway. At the moment, this seems like it could prove useful in any future conversation I may have about entertainment that appears on the big screen.

Eh, was Wreck It Ralph bad? I think it's one of those movies that are so bad it's good, yet it certainly doesn't perform near the quality of Tommy Wiseau's "The Room", so does that mean it's horrible even ironically? I'll have to think about this.

lol post it anywhere you want, and yes i agree the room staring tommy wiseau is so bad it's good

[Logan]

Okay, and why you post this rant?

[Kalrim Frosthill]

Logan#Boston2018! の投稿を引用：

Okay, and why you post this rant?

why the same reason we do all things in the off topic forums, because it seemed like a good idea at the time and because i'm bored as ♥♥♥♥

[Sirens]

i wish i could've writen essays like this in school.

[hunnahanna]

Aw man its too long

[Kalrim Frosthill]

John Smith | notascamsite.xzy の投稿を引用：

are- are you ok?

no... i'm not... this movie killed my dog... and now i'm out for revenge john wick style

[C4Warr10r]

DeadSirens の投稿を引用：

i wish i could've writen essays like this in school.

So you could fail for not using proper paragraph format or essay structure?

Say hat you will about the kid, he's got spirit, and apparently, sense of self-deprecating humor. His literary analysis skills leave something to be desired. I can sum this movie up in one paragraph.

Ahem: "Wreck-it-Ralph is a movie about social justice where it's okay to be a Mary Sue who is disadvanteged by the system, but it's not okay to be anything other than a bad guy who learns through his adventures with Mary Sue and allies that just because he has power, doesn't make him right, and they will accept him for that if he sacrifices everything for them. Meanwhile, the Mary Sues continue to be overpowered but a better system is made, indicating a them of social reform."

Alternatively: "Wreck-it-Ralph is a movie about self-healing wherein the very specific everyman protagonist who wanted to become a hero everyone liked is foiled by the system that oppresses other characters. But by allowing those players to cheat and being willing to sacrifice himself, Wreck-It-Ralph defeats ego, the source of all socialist woes, and somehow this garbage revitalizes an arcade meant to symbolize the game industry."

Like those paragraphs or no, the core concepts cannot be denied. Disadvantaged Mary-Sues. Strong, misguided protagonist. Oppressive system (which is, of course, capitalist.) Oppresive villain springing from capitalism because of his devotion to his own ego. Protagonist changing himself by being willing to sacrifice himself for the oppressed. All oppressed characters come together, and now there's a new gaming universe where cutie-pie gets to cheat humans and it's awesome because the girl who is supposed to be controlling her is clearly a loser.

Could social justice be spelled out more clearly if you tried? The weak get to cheat? Whatever happened to the weak being taught to be strong? Classic characters like what's-his-name-or-her-name from every story with a character arc have been replaced with fiat accompanying characters.

Little Loli-pop, or whatever her name is, is automatically good at everything. She just needs a chance, and her chance happens to coincide with Ralph's selfish desire for a medal. She wants a chance, he wants a medal. How subtly obvious. He wants privilege, she wants a chance.

Then we've got Mary Sue number 2, who actually adds some depth to the story and characters. She's a strong, independednt, ass-kicker of a woman with a soft side. I liked her. She was programmed with the most tragic backstory ever. Her husband, a giant Marine guy, was eaten by a bug on their wedding day.

How is that a tragic backstory? She's a space-marine. Speaking as a Marine myself, and a combat veteran, you just have to let death go sometimes. She's certainly willing to sacrifice her squad-mates to get the player to the goal.

Until she meets Fix-It Felix, who is the last beta cuck on Earth such a woman would ever go for. A woman who solves her own personal problems doesn't want some dude who is only apologizing to her. But SJW's do. That's what an SJW "ally" is. It's the white, industrious, polite, and appropriately humiliated character who exist to fix things.

But "Wreck-it" Raplh has to learn through attempted martyrdom and acceptance of his character: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djgKkrYSojk

"I will never be good and that's not bad?" Yes it is! He sounds like a far-left cuck who has surrendered to the idea of white, cis, hetero, LBGTQ artifical intelligence ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. The common human spirit is directed towards self-improvement, not self-victimization. But he survives, impossibly, because he was an ally to the message of the film. If those in power would just be wiling to kill themselves, the innocent parties of the world would find a better world through their power.

Artists cannot create what they do not think, and the message here is clear. Destroy the existing order, give preference to others through your strength, and celebrate when they cheat.
What a lousy ****ing story! What a completely *****y lesson for life! It's like some Communist ****-sucker wrote the plot.

Believe me or don't. It matters little to me, I pride self-reliance, even when I'm drunk. And I just blew the ♥♥♥♥ out of that movie, while drunk.

THAT is how you do a drunken rant, my friend.

[jre]

John Smith | notascamsite.xzy の投稿を引用：

are- are you ok?

[Kalrim Frosthill]

C4Warr10r の投稿を引用：

DeadSirens の投稿を引用：

i wish i could've writen essays like this in school.

So you could fail for not using proper paragraph format or essay structure?

Say hat you will about the kid, he's got spirit, and apparently, sense of self-deprecating humor. His literary analysis skills leave something to be desired. I can sum this movie up in one paragraph.

Ahem: "Wreck-it-Ralph is a movie about social justice where it's okay to be a Mary Sue who is disadvanteged by the system, but it's not okay to be anything other than a bad guy who learns through his adventures with Mary Sue and allies that just because he has power, doesn't make him right, and they will accept him for that if he sacrifices everything for them. Meanwhile, the Mary Sues continue to be overpowered but a better system is made, indicating a them of social reform."

Alternatively: "Wreck-it-Ralph is a movie about self-healing wherein the very specific everyman protagonist who wanted to become a hero everyone liked is foiled by the system that oppresses other characters. But by allowing those players to cheat and being willing to sacrifice himself, Wreck-It-Ralph defeats ego, the source of all socialist woes, and somehow this garbage revitalizes an arcade meant to symbolize the game industry."

Like those paragraphs or no, the core concepts cannot be denied. Disadvantaged Mary-Sues. Strong, misguided protagonist. Oppressive system (which is, of course, capitalist.) Oppresive villain springing from capitalism because of his devotion to his own ego. Protagonist changing himself by being willing to sacrifice himself for the oppressed. All oppressed characters come together, and now there's a new gaming universe where cutie-pie gets to cheat humans and it's awesome because the girl who is supposed to be controlling her is clearly a loser.

Could social justice be spelled out more clearly if you tried? The weak get to cheat? Whatever happened to the weak being taught to be strong? Classic characters like what's-his-name-or-her-name from every story with a character arc have been replaced with fiat accompanying characters.

Little Loli-pop, or whatever her name is, is automatically good at everything. She just needs a chance, and her chance happens to coincide with Ralph's selfish desire for a medal. She wants a chance, he wants a medal. How subtly obvious. He wants privilege, she wants a chance.

Then we've got Mary Sue number 2, who actually adds some depth to the story and characters. She's a strong, independednt, ass-kicker of a woman with a soft side. I liked her. She was programmed with the most tragic backstory ever. Her husband, a giant Marine guy, was eaten by a bug on their wedding day.

How is that a tragic backstory? She's a space-marine. Speaking as a Marine myself, and a combat veteran, you just have to let death go sometimes. She's certainly willing to sacrifice her squad-mates to get the player to the goal.

Until she meets Fix-It Felix, who is the last beta cuck on Earth such a woman would ever go for. A woman who solves her own personal problems doesn't want some dude who is only apologizing to her. But SJW's do. That's what an SJW "ally" is. It's the white, industrious, polite, and appropriately humiliated character who exist to fix things.

But "Wreck-it" Raplh has to learn through attempted martyrdom and acceptance of his character: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djgKkrYSojk

"I will never be good and that's not bad?" Yes it is! He sounds like a far-left cuck who has surrendered to the idea of white, cis, hetero, LBGTQ artifical intelligence ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. The common human spirit is directed towards self-improvement, not self-victimization. But he survives, impossibly, because he was an ally to the message of the film. If those in power would just be wiling to kill themselves, the innocent parties of the world would find a better world through their power.

Artists cannot create what they do not think, and the message here is clear. Destroy the existing order, give preference to others through your strength, and celebrate when they cheat.
What a lousy ****ing story! What a completely *****y lesson for life! It's like some Communist ****-sucker wrote the plot.

Believe me or don't. It matters little to me, I pride self-reliance, even when I'm drunk. And I just blew the ♥♥♥♥ out of that movie, while drunk.

THAT is how you do a drunken rant, my friend.

you my friend deserve a cookie

[Kalrim Frosthill]

jre の投稿を引用：

John Smith | notascamsite.xzy の投稿を引用：

are- are you ok?

same question same answer

[C4Warr10r]

Ace の投稿を引用：

you my friend deserve a cookie

Chocolate chip, if you please. I absolutely HATE oatmeal raisin! It looks like chocolate chip until you get it close to your nose and..........I'll let the professional bitcher do the rest: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Xm8Ap84DCY