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EDIT: They just came back up... lol
And they are gone again...
EDIT: Ok, smashing the login window with my mouse clicker actually got it to respond and log me in. Hurrah.
EDIT2: Never mind, tried restarting to get my skins back, now I can't connect again.
Doesn't matter. Following the manual removal instructions
https://support.steampowered.com/kb_article.php?ref=9609-OBMP-2526
and wiping the registry entries it describes followed by reinstalling into a different directory cleared up the issue. Either my registry was corrupted, or I had a corrupt file inside my installed games. I have since CHKDSKed, problem is gone.