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in other words, someone is using a 3rd party program that somehow blocks the other person from playing with each other.
Typically disabling the overlay fixes that issue.
because most other steam user use Discord in pretty much anything, sure even steam own voice is there and other app, but that is a app that need traffic just like the game and you seem to struggle with bandwide somehow. thats upload with Download , and game do same, and it dont help if you are not alone on the local network. ( other user or service taht take bandwide away from you. ( or other app ) even steam DL while playing is possible.
I'm sure my internet is being throttled and trust me I will be getting in touch with them when I can, or at least hooking my my own router at some point.
Thank you all for the suggestions I will give an update if anything happens again.