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I've thought that maybe a solution to this might be to reduce their aggro range a bit, but then I suppose they'd become less responsive in other situations as well.
As for your dilemma, I can't rightly say. I'm sure there might be a console command that'll help you, but I don't bring up the console except to toggle off the grass when I need to. Other than that, I know pretty much zilch about using console commands. =p
The devs clearly don't intend to ruin their difficulty balance so everything is tuned as if you don't have a follower and followers are tuned to remind you the game will not be easier with them.
What I do notice is that Jespar's dual wield causes him to spin around enemies and he might be dodging better than Calia's slow 2H swings let her. However, his overall effectiveness doesn't seem much better.
It might also be a skewed perspective: Jespar is with you for many lower level, easier locations. That castle with Calia was one of the hardest locations I've been to.
Nah, that is you being to weak. You shouldn't expect the NPC to do your work for you. Once you invested a bit into gearing and leveling up via side quests you will be able to do everything this quest throws at you on your own without her.
Which only goes to show that you are underleveled for the content you are attempting. Do more sidequests, raise your level and skill levels.. attempt again. Its not timed.
Then assume she's NOT there and play like she's NOT there, because this really seems to boil down to a difficulty issue more than a complaint that companions suck. They do. But does it really matter?
And more than one old "sarjent" has cursed the allied green troops that rush in too early, making them bring in their people as well! 8-}