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But so far nobody seems to feel like the dying part was in some way the fault of the game mechanics
That's because it isn't. It's part of the game and always a result of the player's actions.
I can't recall my latest death, it's been a while since I played already.
Found another door and went inside. Happened on a long corridor with lots of red jute hanging by the sides. Realised to late that this was the perfect ambush. Four cultist swamped me and even though I got out of their barbeque party I was just enough on fire to burn to a crisp on the floor of an ice cave. Ironically I had all the water I needed just at my finger tips as I touched the ice cave walls while I died. I just wasn't enough on fire to melt the ice.
There's really a lot to learn in valheim I guess. "That's unfair", while a true observation, isn't usually a helpful one.
We spot this troll on the shore and i think it would be funny to take a potshot at him. "He can't do ♥♥♥♥ to us" i thought to myself confidently.
Not even 1 second after i shot the arrow the boat hits a shallow rock and dead stops. As i desperately try to get it turned the troll wades all the way out and kills us both in a single log swing...
Good question!
Of those, the biggest one seems to also be an intended mechanic that likely won't change but can still end up punishing to a degree that pushes players to cheat, call for aid from other players, or even restart/quit entirely. Dying. Not the skills mind you, we've seen that debate pop up recently and it's relatively clear most don't mind the skill loss all that much. It's more, the gear. Especially later game, armor gets increasingly expensive so it's often not realistic to keep two functional sets of equal level in case you get murdered in one of them. Instead most of us end up falling back on whatever our last tier armor was because even troll armor is better than naked when you gotta do a plains corpse run or something. It can create a situation where it just isn't feasible to go retrieve your tombstone without basically resetting back to the start of whatever age you are in and rebuilding back to what you lost anyway.
Now mind you the vast majority of this is avoiding the death in the first place, and normally that isn't too hard with experience. Experienced players learn to do things like portal bases, defense trenches, setting aside retrieval gear (like keeping a few extra frost resist potions in case you lost that nice cozy wolf cape/armor up in the mountains and have to fall back on your iron/root set to go get it back), how to just completely "nope"/cheese lethal situations, etc. It's the newer players that can find it to be BS when they are on the victory high of something like bonemass kill but you end up getting "you are getting hunted" out of nowhere with no knowledge it even exists or preparation for it as a result and just get nuked in a really bad place somewhere in the world because yeah it was tricky before but adding hordes of wolves made that area just suicide, especially before you actually got up to the mountains.
1: Death by multiple starred archer skeletons in a dungeon very early on. Got into a crossfire. (This is a recurring theme, really.)
2: Starred troll vs (barely) bronze me swimming back to my boat. Bad idea to go into the water.
3: Sailed by accident right into a plains biome. Tried to kill a mosquito with my sword whilst embarked. Guess what, you only hit your frigging ship. Extremely silly, but I completely forgot to select my bow. Survived 4 hits, but the 5th was the end. Ship full of iron, too. Took a long, long time to get it all back. And my rescue ship is still there. Really, a tow option would have been nice!
4: Rebuilding base and right at the worst possible time a drake attack. Had wooden arrows selected, got into a crossfire and underestimated cold damage without a potion. (Because why would you have one activated in the black forest?) Dumbest death of all and genuinely hard to come back from it as I had a lot of stuff lying around. Close to impossible to do a corpse run even though I was in my frigging base. And of course, my reserve stuff was impossible to find.
5: Ice cave. Ambush by multiple fire breathing thingies. Crossfire. Shouldn't have barged in like a complete idiot.
On average, that is one death per 60 days or so. In my previous (pre mistlands) solo game I died once to Frulings in a game of well over 600 days. Definitely needed to relearn a few things.
More importantly, when I'd handled everything pretty well until then, event attacks with one and two star greydwarf shamans, the deer boss, a seemingly endless attack by greydwarves on the outpost I made just outside the black forest, also involving multiple star dwarves, etc, how was I supposed to prepare for getting completely flattened in seconds? I had the best possible gear for that stage of the game.
Normally in games there some kind of sane ramp up of difficulty, not ridiculous spikes you can't survive.
This death was not a learning experience, because, with what I knew at the time, and with the way the game works, there wasn't anything I could have done differently.
In hindsight after learning how to kill leeches its a dumb death, but the worst of it is my swim never gets up high enough to actually help me.
I forgot to eat and jumped down from a wall I built.
I didn't know the leviathans submerged when you mined their barnacles and was completely out of stamina, didn't eat, and was just millimeters from the ladder on my boat when I died.
A tree...
A troll I didn't see when I was running through the black forest and ran straight up its butt.
Deathsquito.
AFK smoke death.
After I created a nice hole for my fight with Moder and also luring a rock monster to the fight cause I thought maybe it'd join the fight (it didn't) it made its way into the hole I dug and blocked the only way out and I accidentally fell into it and didn't know the rock monster was in there. By the time I realized it, I also realized it was blocking the only way for me to get out and I died in vain.
The only other time I died in the Mistlands was from Dwarven mages with long memory (days ago I did a hit and run on their tower that they apparently hadn't forgotten). Was fighting a Gjall in front of me, while they ambushed me from behind. Didn't expect it since I was quite far away from their base.