Diplomacy, everyone is against me!

[Exceed]

I dont understand this diplomacy system. Everytime someonce do diplomacy with me they think im the one that should do gold or give something other. But i dont understand why? It doesnt make sense to me. And everytime i decline it, it looks like they take it as an insult and declare war on me a few rounds later.
For example: Someone comes to me and wants military access and wants that i give him 500money for it. And im like "Wtf, you want military access, not me, why should i give you gold, you have to give me 500money if you want military access that badly." and they just "lol, no.". So i decline it, 5 rounds later the same person to me "I declare war!".
Another example: Someone comes to me and wants a not attacking pact. I need to give him 500money. Im so "lol, if you fear that i could attack you, why dont you give me gold", he so "lol, no.". 5 rounds later "i declare war with you!".
There were only 1 time where i had to not give something to another person but he wanted to marry someone of my family and i was like "wtf no, why should someone of my family go into your faction for just 500money?" i decline and 5 round later "i declare war on you!"

Can someone explain me, why they can charge something for me and i cant? Its just stupid that everyone declares war with me only because i dont accept to give them everything on a silver tray.

[ColdWonder]

Sounds like you must be weak. They should be paying you for that stuff.

[OZZO]

A hint would be to track numbers of allegiance towards you from every faction. See what counts there. Most numbers have cool down as far as I know but its long to wait.
Also depends who you play as. Kong Rong is better with diplomacy while Zheng Jiang is an aggressive bandit and as you progress it will be much more difficult to agree on anything with other factions.

[JvanH]

Also sounds like you may be trespassing. Doing so is what prompts those encounters for me. Moving an army into neutral territory, and then rejecting a non-aggression pact or military access is enough to incite a declaration of war.

[Hippo King]

You must appear strong (good military and ally strengh). If u are weaker than them then you are f**ked!!!

[MaGicBush]

It's odd I've noticed the same, yet I have stronger armies than them. I don't think it has to do with strength. Maybe empire size?

[Tiger_SG]

Bullying the weak was a common theme in the novel of Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

My complain is that the game don't allow us to counter-propose any other deals. We are locked in a zero-sum situation.

[Black Hole]

I think the diplomacy in this game needs serious balancing. Seems broken, I've gotten rather sick of having to restart a game because I get mobbed by multiple large armies if I refuse to be vassalized for example.

Hopefully mods come out soon otherwise I'm gonna lose my interest in this.

[ACS36]

There isn't much to understand. One of the major AI factions will have a bunch of vassals and hate you because you hold lands they covet. And if you want to go to war with anyone, too bad, you'll piss off a major faction because it's their vassal. You can have positive score with every faction. It really doesn't matter much. You'll still end up in wars you don't want, and be unable to fight wars you do want.

[Grigsey]

Play everyone vs. everyone else at all times. Trade with factions to boost rep and drive wedges in coalitions. Support enemy vassals quest for freedom, agree to fight wars against people far away who hate the big alliances to get in with members of said alliance with the aim of ultimately breaking them up. If a vassal rebels of a faction you want to take apart? Declare war on the vassel who rebelled and use that as an excuse to take territory and gain rep with people you will destroy sooner or later to keep their focus off of you. Besides that rebelling vassel might yoink of their former master's territory, which you can then take from them.

Be opportunistic at all times, to everyone. You can swing your rep with factions wildly by paying attention to who hates who all while expanding your territory and getting others to pay for your improvement upgrades and armies.

[Vastarien]

+100 diplomatic relations, trade agreement, non aggression pact, no vassals involved, low strategic threat > got declared war upon me in turn 10.

[Black Hole]

Yeah I made the mistake of being vassaled by sun jian, a handful of turns later went from just one enemy to a good portion of the map.