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I don't ever use none-aggression agreements so i can maintain universal balance in my diplomacy and on hard iv consistently vassalized half of China. With good vassals it's good to give them worthless territories you conquer to balance your corruption and gain their loyalty.
It snowballs. The more vassals you drag into war with them the worse their situation looks and the more diplomatic weight peace has.
The longer the game goes on and the more territory and vassals you have the more sources of food, shiny knick knacks and gold you have to use in diplomacy.
Some factions are rebellious and will not submit no matter what. This might change with a change in leadership...
I think the main thing is to avoid gaining treachery. If it's high then nobody will like you and you basically can't do anything with diplomacy. Also the more powerful and richer you are, it seems like other factions will respect you more.
That said, a lot of stuff about confederation and vassalization seems completely random to me. I can be really nice to a faction, have a trade agreement and high diplomacy rating with them forever, and they never want to be my vassal. Other times a faction that has been at war with me in the past and doesn't like me will agree to be my vassal. When a small faction declares war on me and I destroy all their armies, usually they won't agree to be my vassal, but sometimes they do. Something pretty reliable is to find a faction that has just had a bunch of their armies destroyed by another faction, they will be weak and likely to agree to being vassalized because it will make them no longer at war with the invading faction.
Usually factions want absurd gifts to become your vassal, like 10,000 yuan and a city. If they have 0 food or negative food, maybe give them food instead of the 10,000 yuan. If you have just taken a lot of land and don't want to get hit by corruption, consider using the land as a payment to factions to make them vassalize with you. But if they get big and strong from the land they will probably end up declaring independence and declaring war on you eventually. So maybe split up the land between different vassals if you can.
1. Releasing, not killing their generals (if you at war with them obviously). This also applies to their friends, they don't like you killing their friends generals. On the other hand they don't like you not killing the generals of factions they hate. If you have a vassal target it's well worth checking who they like and dislike on the diplo screen.
2. Guaranteeing Autonomy - most potential vassals see this as part of the package, why they would agree to be a vassal in the first place and it's also worth a crap ton of diplo points in your favour with them.
3. Giving them land, this is the real kicker. You get a very big boost from giving them whole commanderies or giving them a part of one they already own some of to complete it, especially if the bit you're giving them is a city. They absolutely love you for doing this. It's also not that expensive since any income you lose will be offset to some extent by a reduction in your base corruption rate plus with more land they get more powerful and therefore a lot more useful in wars.