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Just get friendly with some faction who are having a hard time with non aggression pacts, trade deals etc and you should see the opposition to the idea drop to 50 and if they are losing a war the situation modifier can rise above 50 which is generally how i've done it.
Saving the arse of your friends may make them like you (slightly) more but they won't feel the need to give away their faction to you.
Doing it this way will also make the leader of the faction who joins you not have a grudge against you.
I unified with Gongsun Zan and that bandit girl this way . Was 2 points away from Liu Biao accepting before Yuan Shao attacked one of my vassals and the war turned in Liu Biao's favour.
i don't think it's a bug. when you're just starting out with vassalising everyone or confederating everyone, you kinda need to use ultimatums. if a faction really is way weaker than you, it makes sense that they'd be scared of an ultimatum. and the hit to your trustworthiness does seem to affect your diplomacy a fair bit though i'm not exactly sure how it works
look at it this way, it's still harder to do than it is for ai yuan shao