Dialog

[zaphodikus]

Is jarring, has this dialog been reviewed by a native English speaker, it's full of context or third-person structure errors, which make it a little jarring and put on, like a school concert production lines that don't quite fit.

[zaphodikus]

The fireplace in the kitchen needs a redesign, so that it looks more like a fireplace, than a simple stone shelf, there is nowhere for the smoke to get drawn out and will fill the whole house with smoke - feel unrealistic.

The clock is ticking, you notice the hands are missing, but your character fails to mention how that is an odd thing for David to have messed with and left half resolved, the missing hands seems to be the most important thing, when it's probably not yet relevant.

The demon monologue is delivered far too slowly, far too slowly for one who is so close to completing their desire, halve it to get the story a bit of actual pace again.

No hints even at why 111, you really want to fill out the story to touch on key things you wrote into the story, but have now skipped , makes the otherwise great idea, which is well executed at times, just feel like a kindergarten script.

[Ricardo Pratas]

Originally posted by zaphodikus:

The fireplace in the kitchen needs a redesign, so that it looks more like a fireplace, than a simple stone shelf, there is nowhere for the smoke to get drawn out and will fill the whole house with smoke - feel unrealistic.

The clock is ticking, you notice the hands are missing, but your character fails to mention how that is an odd thing for David to have messed with and left half resolved, the missing hands seems to be the most important thing, when it's probably not yet relevant.

The demon monologue is delivered far too slowly, far too slowly for one who is so close to completing their desire, halve it to get the story a bit of actual pace again.

No hints even at why 111, you really want to fill out the story to touch on key things you wrote into the story, but have now skipped , makes the otherwise great idea, which is well executed at times, just feel like a kindergarten script.

Hi zaphodikus, thanks for your opinion:

Actualy the fireplace was modeled after my grandmother's fireplace that looks like a Stone shelf as many other old fireplaces here in Portugal, these are called "pé de galo" this chimney design allowed people to place a stove and get a fire going in the kitchen, actualy almost no smoke invades the house.

As for the clock, Richard just makes an observation that the clock hands are missing, no special relevance is given.

As for the demon, exacly that is the point, the monologue is slow because
the demon is an immortal entity, and now that has achieved its goal no need to rush things, it is just savoring the moment, at least that was what i had in mind when i designed it.

As for why 111 souls, the idea initially was to explain this in a sequel, but the idea was to leave some loose unexplained situations to keep players minds wandering why ,rather than babysitting them through every little detail like a Disney book, some things are best kept secret to keep the mystery, just like the holy grail, everyone wants to know where it is.

These that you pointed out are just design choices, of course you have to consider that this was not made by a professional, this was a first time project, that has its flaws, yes it has grammatical errors, at the time i had no one to help me with localization, i am portuguese, English is not my native tongue but at least i tried and i am overall very happy with the reception the game had.

Cheers

[zaphodikus]

It is still a pretty good stab at using the game engine to tell a story.
The effects and the sound are great. Will see if it grows from here.

[Ricardo Pratas]

Originally posted by zaphodikus:

It is still a pretty good stab at using the game engine to tell a story.
The effects and the sound are great. Will see if it grows from here.

Thank you zaphodikus i hope you enjoy my future projects