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You don't even have to do either you could spend the whole game ignoring the main quest and the civil war ... and actually be civil instead of waging war.
Playing Skyrim is doing whatever you want!
Of course something else to consider and this may be a spoiler for you. Whichever side you join Balgruuf the greater will side with the other faction. As you approach for the stormcloaks he will select imperials and send you back to Ulfric. Exactly the opposite if you support Tullius ... then Balgruuf will join the stormcloaks.
So if keeping to Balgruuf as a loyal thane is your goal then avoid the civil war!
Since you need to have access to those up on the mountain later in Civwar questline.
Also, for this, it's actually part of the main quest, where you need to get everybody to sign a temporary peace treaty to deal with the dragons, but only if the civil war questline hasn't been completed.
So, assuming what you're hoping for is to complete the Civil War as a Stormcloak (or at least as far as taking over Whiterun) and THEN become Dragonborn, being made Thane by... is it Vignar who replaces Balgruuf? There just isn't dialogue for that.
With Skyrim Unbound, the entire MQ up to the beginning of the Way of the Voice is skipped and you become Thane of Whiterun by buying Breezehome for 10k septims (regardless of whether you ever do the Main Quest), so I suppose you could do that on a new save if you *really* wanted to avoid letting Balgruuf down. I'm not honestly sure how it handles the Civil War side of things, though, I would guess Balgruuf would still do his 'I'm super disappointed in you' speech, because there... probably isn't an alternative for that dialogue.
https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:Message_to_Whiterun_(Stormcloaks)
There is also one good thing about it, you get enabled to unlock shouts to.
Or rather Balgruuf won't side with him.
So the choice is whether to go through the civil war at all. especially if he cannot avoid starting dragon rising.
I usually ignore it totally until the peace conference, and that way Balgruuf is still in charge of Whiterun the whole time.