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First off, use the multiplayer filter code so it doesn't bother looking for others and only connects to your friend ( you both do this )
it only looks for 2 criteria
- you both need to have the same overall boss still alive
( you can't have beaten boss 1 in your story and then connect to someone who still has to beat that boss, due to how the multiplayer works )
- you both need to be in the same overall area ( read "hub" )
( for instance if you are in hub 1 you can not connect to someone in hub 2, for obvious reasons :p . With "hub" concider it the area "as a whole", ofcourse it's going to try it's hardests to look for people on roughly the same coordinates but if you play with a friend you'll be on the same coordinates pretty much by default )
Those are it's only criteria
as far as sidequests go, it doesn't care. You can have sidequest A done whereas your friend still has to do it, it just means that you'll be running to a location where there is nothing "for you" to do.
As long as you aren't ahead in bossfights it's all fine :)
again as for friend co-op. If you start out in co-op directly from the start it is impossible to be ahead in bossfights or sidequests due to how the multiplayer works.
when you play together you both play your very own individual game, your companion just happens to mimic the movement of what your friend is doing in his game ( and vice versa ).
all sidequests and bossfights happen in both games individually alongside each other and at the same time.
Unlike darksouls, you don't "leave" your own game to tackle a boss. You and your friend will both achieve that victory at the exact same time, assumig you win :)
in that case you have to try and refrain from killing it :)
normally death is a 2 stage thing. The first time you "die" you should just go down and be reviveable. The second time it's final.
whenever the first revive happens become more aware of the state of your friend. if you want to do it "together" then both should die ( if one dies ) or the remaining one should leave by item or just quitting the game ( quitting puts you back at the 2 person door ( i think ))
technially this isn't ( like dark souls ) exactly meant to be "with a friend". It's there to cater to us but the focus is utter randomness. In which case you would care less wether or not the other also makes it, it's basically an SP game after all.