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Just because the text in the game is asked by an expert to translate, I think that it is getting satisfactory.
Should be "You have lost your memories"
Now we are rewriting the English discription of the Store page.
May be 12h later , we will finish it.
Next time, I asked a good English-speaking Japanese who had the experience of studying abroad in the USA.
How is it?
English in the game was asked to translate into Japanese, English and a good American gamer. I think that English in the game can be relieved
However - even with this changes it reads badly. It's stilted, overly simplistic and doesn't sell the game in any real sense.
> About ChainMan
> This game is a VR stealth horror action game of the first person view.
This game is a VR stealth horror action game from the first person view.
> You will have to hide and survive from zombies in the dark.
You have to hide from zombies in the dark and survive.
> Story
> You wake up and on find out that you are on the island which was already full of zombies.
You wake up on an island which you discover is already full of zombies.
> You are restrained by handcuffs, and there a weird groan.
You are restrained by handcuffs. You hear strange groans...
> Based on the messages left by other survivors, explore and escape from this zombie island.
Based on messages left by other survivors explore and escape from this zombie island.
> System
Gameplay
> You cannot attack at all in this game.
> All you can do is to hide and escape from the enemies.
> Each enemy has a limited visual and hearing range.
Each enemy has limited visual and hearing range.
> Predict the enemies’ movement and find the safe route.
Predict the enemies’ movement and find a route to safety.
> Game Length
> It takes 2-3 hours to see the normal ending.
It takes 2-3 hours to reach the normal ending.
> Play more to see the good ending.
Play more for an alternate ending.
> Others
> We are planning the next update in the end of September. We will implement multi-play mode
We are planning the next update for the end of September. We will implement a multi-play mode
> in which one player uses the monitor and another player uses the HMD.
in which one player uses the monitor and the other player uses a VR headset .
I am very grateful.
I also want to thank you, but what I can do immediately is to give you a free key.
If you can receive it, I'd like to add you as a friend and send me a message.
I'd simply have:
"Strange groans stir you from your slumber. You wake to find yourself handcuffed in an unknown location as a terrifying enemy surrounds you. Can you keep to the shadows and escape to safety using clues left by other survivors and your wits?"
The description lets players know that it's meant to be a scary game, that it includes exploration, and keeps things short and to the point. A lot of people are lazy... they don't like to read.
I'd get rid of the rest.
I'd also keep quiet about the length of the game. For HTC Vive games, a typical number people appear to not mind paying is £3 per hour. If you say the game takes about 2 or 3 hours to play, it really should be priced at less than £10. You're much more likely to get more sales and better reviews. Imagine if people pay £20 for it and get less than 2 hours of gameplay from it. They'll immediately give a bad review ("not worth the money, buy it on sale!") and request a refund, giving you bad publicity and no money for it.
The description to the right of the game is also odd.
About ChainManThis game is "VR · stealth horror action" of the first person view, hidden from the imminent zombies in the dark, surviving.
I'd change it to "How long can you survive the enemies that inhabit the darkness?"
Sounds mysterious.
I know the price and description seem like little things, but VR is still new, and there are more bad games than good games. People are very cautious, and may assume that a poory written description can suggest a poorly produced game.
The opinion about price is very helpful. I am thinking now that I would like to respond with sale etc. I would like to answer everyone's expectations at the next sale.
However, I do note you've not had any reviews yet.
For the introduction text, he suggests that friend Peter will recreate introduction sentences and movies.
I think that it will be a better movie, a better sentence.
Sorry?