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Also there is always the choice to do what people do when being in a relationship, which is to compromise. Sometimes it might no be such a bad idea to do what certain companions want in order to keep them happy.
After you get Kaela, about half of remaining decisions will not make her disagree if you don`t force them, and that is story based since she is not thought-influenced by yourself
If you can play without Kaela - do so, don`t sweat about it. If you can`t - play with her and forget about her alignment and penalties
Oh, and the reason for my post is that i think its highly unlikely alignment system will be changed, so maybe just accept it and play as is.
I had similar thoughts, so i suggest you look at their bio (left inventory pane on attribute tab) You can get much more info there that can explain some of their choices.
How could they have known about those alignment issues at the first meeting? When you look at it from a realistic/roleplaying perspective then most of the companions, apart from the 2 you started with, did not know anything about you before joining the party.
Ignorance is bliss. And the minor, yes they are minor, differences are not signficant enough to mean the difference between success and failure.