[SPOILERS] The narrative of PKoMD

[76561198155787827]

Hello everyone!

The game has now been out for a few months, and many have expressed their thoughts and emotions to me after playing the game. The positive reception has really been humbling.

One thing that has been coming up at several times is that some parts of the game ended up being a bit too ambiguous for some. I wanted to do a write-up where I summarize my thoughts as the game's writer and developer, hopefully shedding some light on the experience for those who want it.

THE FOLLOWING TEXT CONTAINS SPOILERS REGARDING ALL ASPECTS OF PLEASE KNOCK ON MY DOOR

Do NOT read further unless you've encountered ALL THREE of the game's endings. They are all needed for you to understand the whole picture the game's trying to paint.



The most interesting bit about PKoMD, to me, is the connection between the red / white voices, the main character, and the player. But before I go into detail about who they are, let me do a brief summary of the game's endings.

The good ending: The main character opens up to his dad and moves to a new apartment. Once there, he sees four trees which metaphorically represent that he is no longer alone. In his old apartment, there was a lone tree representing his current life situation, which has now been replaced by the outlook of his new window. One of his co-worker calls him (Will, Jenny or Amy), depending on which one of them the player met and talked to the most.

The mixed ending: The red voice urges the main character to commit suicide. By not interacting with anything, the player allows the main character to answer the door and leave their home. While moving towards the door, if the player tries to give any input the main character stands still and shakes. By leaving, the main character gets to come closer to his friends and the player is shown a future situation where they all meet up near the sea for an evening barbecue.

The bad ending: By following the suggestions of the red voice, the main character attempts suicide. While submerged in the bathtub, the same person who knocks on their door in the mixed ending now not only knocks but also opens the door and walks in. As this happens, the white voice is taking farewell of depression.

The white voice is the main character's future self, who is looking back at their previous life and tries to understand what really happened to them. This is hinted at during the monologue played after the main character calls their dad as part of the good ending.

The red voice is the main character's subconscious, which gets twisted after years of repressed negative emotions. The red voice often hints that he used to be different and that he has changed. At the end of the monologue during the mixed ending, it is revealed that the red voice wants nothing else than for everything to end, as he lacks the ability to see a brighter future.

The main character and the player are two different entities. While writing the narrative, I imagined the main character as myself while I was depressed, but in reality it could have been anyone. It isn't important who the main character is, it could be any one of us, which is in part the message of the game and why he (she/them) is represented by a black box.

The identity of the player is not that of the main character, but that of depression itself. As you play the game you get to push the main character around, force them to think about difficult things, make them late for work and make them play way too much video games instead of talking to other people. The red voice hints at this fact during one of his morning monologues, that you (talking to the main character) is being controlled by someone from far above (hinting directly at the player). The voices in the game are never directed at the player themselves. As depression, you eavesdrop on everything that's going on, you are the hidden force that makes their life spiral out of control. The only texts that are directed to the player (as depression) are the main / pause menu texts visible below the buttons during the second week.

During the mixed ending, the main character breaks free of your control. During the bad ending, the white voice says goodbye to you. During the good ending, you let the main character talk to his dad and thus be free of you.

Consciously or not, you are given control over a person suffering from depression. That was the sales pitch. I'm sorry, I suppose I forgot to mention that 'being in control' means playing the game as depression. My bad.

I hope this write-up was an interesting read for you! If you think this game deserves to be played, please remember to recommend it to friends and family.

All the best,
Michael L

[Bubbles]

Thank you for providing an insight into your thoughts regarding the game and its characters, it was very interesting to read and clarified a few things for me. I experienced all 3 endings by now and each one was a unique and quite emotional experience.

If I may add a thought: The title alone deserves an award. If you know someone who suffers from depression, please don't tell them that they can call you whenever they want. They won't. Please knock on their door.

[Vec Chromatron]

And I was thinking the Red Voice was depression, and now it turns out I was behind everything all along. What a bummer. ;)

[de_jung75]

Maybe me english is way too bad but your comment
("And I was thinking the Red Voice was depression, and now it turns out I was behind everything all along. What a bummer. ;")
...does NOT stand in contrary of the initial Comment.
I may be wrong but I see the "white" voice as the "clear mind/soul" thoughts as I see the "red one" as the "poisoned/blurred/dark" thoughts...
But like I already said - maybe I`m wrong...

[SociallyAwkwardGirl]

So I naturally reached all three endings and am missing the silenced achievement. Was that the glitched one? To be honest, this is the best game I have EVER played that I felt depicted what it's like to struggle with depression earnestly. From before it was released, I was already looking forward to the day it would be, and despite having high expectation, the game didn't disappoint me. I live day to day dealing with the throughs of it, and the idea of remission really hit home too, because I don't have MDD; I have been diagnosed with bi-polar (spectrum disorder I guess now), ptsd(some other name now), social anxiety(I don't even know if they changed this in the DSM-V) and a myriad of other ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥... but I felt like this game understood me better than my doctors. I play it multiple times because to be honest, it helps me understand where I currently stand with depression through projecting, and I use that as a biofeedback mechanism. Regardless of my self-induced denial, it calls me on my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in a way, and I love that. I'm very pro-awareness and anti-stigma, and I want to commend you on doing a great job in so many ways. I'm sure many people feel a lot less alone in their wars now.

[Bubbles]

Originally posted by SociallyAwkwardGirl:

So I naturally reached all three endings and am missing the silenced achievement. Was that the glitched one? To be honest, this is the best game I have EVER played that I felt depicted what it's like to struggle with depression earnestly. From before it was released, I was already looking forward to the day it would be, and despite having high expectation, the game didn't disappoint me. I live day to day dealing with the throughs of it, and the idea of remission really hit home too, because I don't have MDD; I have been diagnosed with bi-polar (spectrum disorder I guess now), ptsd(some other name now), social anxiety(I don't even know if they changed this in the DSM-V) and a myriad of other ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥... but I felt like this game understood me better than my doctors. I play it multiple times because to be honest, it helps me understand where I currently stand with depression through projecting, and I use that as a biofeedback mechanism. Regardless of my self-induced denial, it calls me on my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in a way, and I love that. I'm very pro-awareness and anti-stigma, and I want to commend you on doing a great job in so many ways. I'm sure many people feel a lot less alone in their wars now. :BeatingPixelHeart:

The dev answered this in another post, this is the way I got it, too:

You need to stay home from work every day during the first week.
Make sure you do interactions that take only a short time before mid-day, so that the narrator talks to you 4 times about how you should be at work. These story-pieces can happen after 7.30 and up until 12 o'clock. It is not necessary to listen to all of them, except for the ones on Friday. At the end of the Friday's narration-chain, you'll have the achievement.

[SociallyAwkwardGirl]

yeah, I was late to see the comment. I got it though. Thanks

[76561198155787827]

Originally posted by SociallyAwkwardGirl:

So I naturally reached all three endings and am missing the silenced achievement. Was that the glitched one? To be honest, this is the best game I have EVER played that I felt depicted what it's like to struggle with depression earnestly. From before it was released, I was already looking forward to the day it would be, and despite having high expectation, the game didn't disappoint me. I live day to day dealing with the throughs of it, and the idea of remission really hit home too, because I don't have MDD; I have been diagnosed with bi-polar (spectrum disorder I guess now), ptsd(some other name now), social anxiety(I don't even know if they changed this in the DSM-V) and a myriad of other ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥... but I felt like this game understood me better than my doctors. I play it multiple times because to be honest, it helps me understand where I currently stand with depression through projecting, and I use that as a biofeedback mechanism. Regardless of my self-induced denial, it calls me on my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in a way, and I love that. I'm very pro-awareness and anti-stigma, and I want to commend you on doing a great job in so many ways. I'm sure many people feel a lot less alone in their wars now. :BeatingPixelHeart:

Thank you so much! The game is written and designed to give someone else a glimpse into some of my own worst struggles and fears. I was hoping that, in some way, sharing it would make both me and others feel better. There are many things in the game that are straight up 1:1 copies of things I've experienced, which makes it even more difficult to answer when people ask 'how were you able to write something so genuine?' Well...

It makes me super proud that you feel like the game has helped you in some way. I could only hope that people would be able to connect with it, releasing this has been one of the scariest things I've done in my life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[Big Trader]

Amazing game.It touched me deeply and i love everything about it.Also the person you chose to do the narrating was amazing i cant wait to see more from both of you