Jockeys single-handedly ruin the game. Change my mind.

[Niels_L]

I've touched upon this before and I'm aware this thread is gonna make it look like all I do is complain about this game and love to hate on everything, but it's only when you try to do a damageless run or play on Expert/Realism that you realise how annoyingly infuriating the Jockey TRULY is. Whether that's during a regular campaign or Last Man on Earth mutation, no other infected comes as close to inflicting damage or incapping you as often as the Jockey. It's even worse than I thought. This hunched piece of deformed♥♥♥♥♥♥is a stain upon L4D2, thanks to its buggy hitbox, spastic movement and above all, the fact it's near impossible to deadstop this deadass miscarriage from Chernobyl because it latches onto your head from 20 feet away, and even if by some Jesus-like miracle you do manage to stun him, he's gonna scratch you anyways because despite being shoved. Or even better - it scratches you mid-air, which is a huge reason so many of our expert-runs have gone to hell. Losing more than 40 health in an instant for no ♥♥♥♥ing reason whatsoever - it's amazing. And I'm aware that goes for the Hunter too, but the Jockey is far worse if you ask me and I fear it more than a tank.
The reason it always manages to get so close is because you can unload a fully loaded autoshotty on it and it's still alive? Tell me how that works. Oh yea, right. That hitbox is glitchier than a damaged VHS tape.
Why does that happen? Because Valve can't be arsed to update this game and fix the bugs. Almost forgot to add, despite it being probably among the noisiest SI, it still sometimes manages to completely surprise you without any sound and I have no clue how the ♥♥♥♥ that happens.
I am beyond done, the Jockey single-handedly ruins the game for me due to all of the reasons above. So many of my damageless/no-restart/expert/Realism runs, or even regular games have been ruined by this waddling embodiment of herpes because of it being about as buggy as Skate 3 and Far Cry 5 combined.
A quick bonus question: someone explain to me why it's so damn difficult to get onto someone as a Jockey in Versus? I could be right next to someone and it'd still take me three tries to get on their head. Granted - it's funny as a Survivor and it happens to someone else, but this hitbox is something else. Jockey is horrible to play as and against, making it the biggest funkiller in every gamemode if you ask me.

I'm extremely salty and infuriated and I don't care about people are gonna comment below calling me a coward, bad at the game, complainer or whatever. I'm gonna take a long break from this game.

Thanks, Valve, for making the Jockey such a fun and immersive enemy to play against. I couldn't be happier.

[∴ Snake ∴]

Impossible to change your mind on something that is 100% true. No, I'm serious. You nailed literally everything about that piece of ♥♥♥♥. You're objectively right.

[Ana]

this is to long to read

[Ana]

Originally posted by AustrAlien2010:

You saying that with all these guns, explosives and chainsaws you can't handle a little jockey.
Just look at those cute lil' puppy dog eyes!

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=721943655

ikr jockey dies in one hit

[Niels_L]

Originally posted by AustrAlien2010:

You saying that with all these guns, explosives and chainsaws you can't handle a little jockey.
Just look at those cute lil' puppy dog eyes!

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=721943655

Would still love to gouge out its eyes, preferably with a chainsaw yea.

[Rattling Rambler]

Preach to the choir man, I dispise every thought, every line of code, every second that went into the jockey's devolopment. So many finale runs ruined by this donkey headed knob gobbler, he shares so many traits with roaches, you kill one there are 50 to take his place, you could drop 500 nukes on them and they will somehow survive, and they will deliberately annoy you anyway they can.

[Niels_L]

Originally posted by Shady Sam:

Preach to the choir man, I dispise every thought, every line of code, every second that went into the jockey's devolopment. So many finale runs ruined by this donkey headed knob gobbler, he shares so many traits with roaches, you kill one there are 50 to take his place, you could drop 500 nukes on them and they will somehow survive, and they will deliberately annoy you anyway they can.

You could drop a nuke out of a plane on them, they'd just jump and latch onto your head while you're sitting in your plane 10km up in the sky.

[Lokei]

Originally posted by Denver the goat furry:

Originally posted by AustrAlien2010:

You saying that with all these guns, explosives and chainsaws you can't handle a little jockey.
Just look at those cute lil' puppy dog eyes!

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=721943655

ikr jockey dies in one hit

Dies with one hit only WITH a melee weapon (unsure about GL)

[Rattling Rambler]

Originally posted by Niels_L:

Originally posted by Shady Sam:

Preach to the choir man, I dispise every thought, every line of code, every second that went into the jockey's devolopment. So many finale runs ruined by this donkey headed knob gobbler, he shares so many traits with roaches, you kill one there are 50 to take his place, you could drop 500 nukes on them and they will somehow survive, and they will deliberately annoy you anyway they can.

You could drop a nuke out of a plane on them, they'd just jump and latch onto your head while you're sitting in your plane 10km up in the sky.

I didn't think of that, Damn it.

[Skully]

Truer words have never been spoken...

[Ana]

Originally posted by Lokei:

Originally posted by Denver the goat furry:

ikr jockey dies in one hit

Dies with one hit only WITH a melee weapon (unsure about GL)

or walk up to them and knock them off

[Lokei]

Originally posted by Denver the goat furry:

Originally posted by Lokei:

Dies with one hit only WITH a melee weapon (unsure about GL)

or walk up to them and knock them off

Depends on the map. A normal fall won't kill them only a fall that has no end that resolves in an insta-death eg. no mercy rooftop

[Payne☣]

I have a custom campaign I made called Precinct 84 and also came to this conclusion, so I "deleted" them from the campaign. I think some people who play my campaign are very happy with that.

[Cursed Hawkins]

Originally posted by Lokei:

Originally posted by Denver the goat furry:

or walk up to them and knock them off

Depends on the map. A normal fall won't kill them only a fall that has no end that resolves in an insta-death eg. no mercy rooftop

Unless this was patched in the PC version there's a glitch with the jockey that once he's in the air (or latched onto a Survivor) he's capable of being one-shoted from ANY damage source, firearms,melee,shoves,etc, any thing that deals damage to the Jockey will kill it because of this glitch!

[Rej72380]

GDI! Jockies aren't that difficult to spot and shoot down before they latch on top of a survivor. The fact that there is an achievement for killing a Jockey within 2 seconds of latching himself onto one of your teammates or yourself is all the proof needed to show the OP needs to work on his survival skills.

Complaining about something simple as that won't get you anywhere in the game.

[Niels_L]

Originally posted by Rej72380:

GDI! Jockies aren't that difficult to spot and shoot down before they latch on top of a survivor. The fact that there is an achievement for killing a Jockey within 2 seconds of latching himself onto one of your teammates or yourself is all the proof needed to show the OP needs to work on his survival skills.

Complaining about something simple as that won't get you anywhere in the game.

Sometimes they manage to stay completely silent and still get you. I've experienced it quite a few times where seemingly without warning they appear out of thin air and start humping your head. An achievement doesn't say anything about it. There's also an achievement for Spitters, though I think they're fairly balanced as opposed to Jockeys.
Jockeys are literally the only SI I have trouble dealing with for all the reasons described in my thread. I can deadstop Hunters just fine, cut Smoker tongues, dodge and skeet rocks, and so on. But Jockeys? They still manage to jump on me and I have practiced a lot but it still happens nearly every time, again for the reasons described in the post.

I hate them so much.