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You can however Sway someone out of a Play, it's just that it takes timing and resources a human player usually doesn't have.
The back half of the game takes place in a period where there were almost no 'great power' peer conflicts though; indeed there were almost no peer conflicts anywhere. And the game tends toward that sort of rich-get-richer centralization and stagnation unless a human player is constantly upsetting equilibriums by starting big wars or under-building their own military strength to focus on smart growth over deterrence. In history, that pattern broke down completely just once, and it happened precisely because of the ambiguity that makes Diplomatic Plays so disastrous in the game.
No one, not even the British really, believed there was a line someone could cross that would put the French and the British on the same side of a war...and everyone was wrong.
So yes I agree.
Lack of a give and take is definitely the biggest flaw to mez like you said.
Post this on Paradox Forum, Victoria 3 Suggestions subforum and there is a very low chance that they will introduce some of your suggestions. Here is 0. They don't read Steam forums.