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Not sure if that's actually the case if you haven't been contacted by the courier who gives you the black hand letter with "we know" written on it... That's when you're supposed to sleep actually.
That is the expected chain of events but it's still not a requirement to receive the note.
There is still a time requirement of some amount. It's entirely possible you simply hadn't had enough time pass. It's also probable that the courier needs to have at least spawned at some point before sleeping works regardless of if you receive the note.
Option 1:
setstage dbentrancequest 20
This should make the courier appear
Option 2:
setstage db02 10
player.additem 0002e3f9 1
This should start the quest but you will have to find your own way to the abandoned shack aswell as give you the key so you can enter the abandoned shack
Note: This option gave me quite a few problems further down in the questline where some guy (not going to spoil incase you havent done it) didn't show up and it became a huge mess, so you are warned if you decide to take this path
Option 3:
If you dislike using console commands you can load from your last save before you talked to the kid about that you killed grelod and simply wait until a courier comes so you can be certain that no courier is on the way and then quickly finish the quest by talking to him, hopefully that would help (my first attempt i had the courier arrive for dawnstar as i reached lvl 10(or is it 20?))
First Option worked :) A courier appeared. The right one :) Thanks!
Problems seems to follow The Dark Brotherhood quest-line :/