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Back to your issue, if you're taking two years to clear any given map, you are playing at an extremely low pace. Gather nearby resource generating structures, a few levels, some of the resources laying around, some core units, and you're good to take at least 1 city early on, even on hard. After that start snowballing and taking the fight to the enemy, be they neutrals or other factions. Never ever stay put on a town waiting for troops, always be on the move, clearing neutrals and taking forts means more xp and resources, more resources means you can have more troops faster. About the fire elemental stacks you mentioned, you should easily have units to outnumber them( at least the game expects you to after 2 years of game time), you should be able to win with no problem if you know how to amass troops properly. If you're using a Magic hero it is a bit harder since they don't scale as well into late game as Might heroes do, but still you can use stuff like Time Stasis or defensive spells that will make the fight much easier.
If you find yourself overloaded with resources and not enough troops....you are going to lose.