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Okay, we figured it out. You have to make a character and also hit New Game, then back out (Exit) before you see the Multiplayer option.
My husband hosted the game and I saw it on my Steam Multiplayer, and I went to join, but still get a connection error.
Is it because we're in the same household?
ADD: Oddly enough, it worked when I hosted. Strange.
Steam tries to open connection between two steam users by checking various ways but under certain specific networks circumstances it can fail (or it can work as soon as you try again). But these aspects are not under our direct control as we rely on their system to open the connection.