I'm in love with Marnie.

[Bruce]

Yes, yes, I know. I need to get a real life, not this one that I am currently living in Stardew Valley. For, against all reason, I find myself in love with Marnie.

As a matter of fact, this situation resembles what I have gone through in real life: Falling for someone else's woman and unable to assert reason over emotion, brain over heart.

It all started over tasking myself to find her boyfriend's shorts. This is not a spoiler — there is virtually no way to find them, and access them, without learning from the internet where they are and how to retrieve them . . . from Marnie's bedroom!

So, to ingratiate myself and get access to her bedroom . . . yeesh, on one level . . . I had to befriend her by giving her gifts, talking to her a lot, and doing her favors. Along the way, I became attracted to her. Something about that face and the way she speaks to me . . .

I found the filthy shorts and returned them to their owner. I felt like throwing them in his face but the game would not let me.

Then I made excuses to visit Marnie in her shop, continuing to chat and give her gifts. The pink cake that my mother sent me went immediately over there; it's one of Marnie's favorites!

At the close of business one time, I followed her into her bedroom. What I was expecting (in this G-rated game), I had no idea. She just stood on one side of the room while I — the game does allow this — got into her bed! (Don't worry, nothing happened.)

Another time, I caught her as she was about to leave for exercise class with her friends at Pierre's. I escorted her all the way over there, with the shift key pressed down to walk instead of auto-run. I followed her into the room with four or five other women in it and I sat in the chair in that room, watching her exercise, for (virtual) hours. Truly!

Then, all the way home to her house. Slam, went the door in my face!

I would never resort to murder, even in a (g-rated) computer game. But, I wonder if there is a way to break up her relationship with that guy and have her to myself. She is the one that I want to marry.

[Now, all of this is tongue-in-cheek. It happened in the game the way I described, all of it, except that I was indulging my sense of humor. And, frankly, remembering something that actually did take place in my life.]

[Bruce]

Today, to my surprise, I found my beloved on the pier near Willy's Shop. When I "inquired," Emily told me "I'm just looking for mermaids." Wow, I vicariously love that woman.