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Do you have different languages installed and/or an attached controller by chance?
I was finally able to solve the issue.
Turns out that the game wasn't getting the input correctly because I'm using Synergy as a virtual KVM.
If you're using a software KVM and having a similar issue I suggest disabling it.
I moved to another thread back when I was looking for a solution, but for anyone who winds up here later the problem was solved for me and a few others by disabling Antilogger. Oddly, this occurred even when the keystrokes were left unencrypted and only the SSL intrusion protection (or a similar name) was in use. This problem also cropped up in another game called Your Quest, and according to its dev both Your Quest and Stardew Valley used Microsoft's XNA. If none of the fixes here work for you, there seems to be a weird bug with XNA and various programs that affect/monitor/tinker with keyboard input; hopefully that would narrow down the troubleshooting.
I don't know a permanent solution to this.
Just what I needed, wasted all morning, but thank you!
Thanks for the hint's Xander158