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i go mostly with gems, they are easy to get and after getting crystalarium even massproduceable. at least female npc love 1 or more gemtypes.
Everyone likes coffee except the children. This one is super easy to remember.
and then give it to myself
Maru, Sebastian and Abigail will always take quartz and other gems you can find in the mines easily. This is useful as they all live right next to the mines, so you can run in for a second, get some gems, and run back out.
But birthdays require a loved gift, preferably one of high quality for the bonus.
The produce jars are much better used on something more valuable than salmonberries in my opinion eg melons.
Apart from that, I use the wiki to help me make sure I'm giving each villager a loved gift on their birthday (if I can - otherwise they get a gold star flower or vegetable) and that's usually it for my gifting efforts.