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I suspect a hardware issue, or perhaps a corrupted install.
My PC is a few years old, but quite capable, and the install is fresh from Steam.
As I said, it looks like it detects some unrecognized input from my controller (judging from stuff like leftshoulder, leftstick, lefttrigger etc.) but I'm not even touching it when this happens.
If the error goes away after you remove the controller, then the problem probably exists inside the controller. As sad as losing a favorite controller is, that's quite likely the best case scenario... moving forward from there starts getting into the motherboard and other expensive components.
This line in particular seems as if it's a piece of dryly written IT humor:
<C++ Error> Condition "true" is true. Continuing.
My personal thought is that it's a bad USB port, but hardware is usually difficult to diagnose from a distance.
Since you mentioned being able to work with C++, I'll mention that you can view the Godot Engine source at https://github.com/godotengine/godot - the specific file the error mentions is located at https://github.com/godotengine/godot/blob/master/core/input/input.cpp and parse_mapping() starts at line 1438.
You're not wrong about the amount of bugs and weirdness generally present in the Godot Engine, but "I'm one of a very few people experiencing issues like this one" and "it seems to be connected to a physical peripheral" are both things that can indicate a hardware issue, rather than software.
Source: I've been slinging code since 1986, and turning a screwdriver since 1992.
Ok, cool. How did you solve the issue?
(But I mean, I've already told you this in a reply on May 28th, so now I'm feeling a little derealization)
Yeah, alright... but you realize you're the one who brought this back up, right?