A Conclusion I've Reached (Spoiler Warning)

[Phoenix]

If you've not played the BBL route in Hatoful Boyfriend and have not complated Holiday Star's 4th chapter and the Preliminary Investigation minigame, be warned, you are heading straight into Spoilersville.

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way... I have come to the conclusion that Hitori is one sick ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and I now absolutely hate him. I knew in BBL that he changed his identity to Kazuaki in order to get revenge for what happened to Nageki, but until playing Holiday Star I did not understand the real depths of his depravity. Seeing Kazuaki and Hitori together in the same scenes in Preliminary Investigation, and the personality of Kazuaki being so oddly different from the Kazuaki we're used to dealing with (timid and inept vs '...zzz') was confusing. Aren't they the same bird? How can they be in the same place? Well, re-evaluating the events in the 4th chapter, the King's book had exactly one coherent sentence for Nemo/Hitori that clicked everything together: "You lied to me". The person who murdered the King lied to him and took his identification. The King was a quail. Hitori was a quail, who then took on the name...

Kazuaki. Hitori deceived and murdered Kazuaki and stole his identity in order to exact his revenge. He took a dejected, depressed, and suicidal soul, used him, and then threw him away like yesterday's trash without a second thought. Shuu may be a cold killer but everyone knows he's a villain. He never pretends not to be. Hitori hides under the guise of a friendly but soporophic teacher, and while carrying the guilt around over Nageki's death, never once laments or shows any remorse for what he did to Kazuaki... and what happened to Kazuaki... becoming lost in that manner even after death...

In the real world there is no hell for birds, but if any (fictional) bird is deserving of a hell, Hitori belongs in the lowest circle. Mz Moa, once again, well done. You convinced me to hate a character I used to like and to feel sad for one poor fictional little quail. Western writers could certainly learn a bit from you.

[house-special curry]

While Hitori certainly did a despicable thing, I found it more interesting and helpful to process when thinking of it in terms of love and self-delusion.

Hitori, Kazuaki-kun, and Shuu all did the things they did from places of love. However, their self-delusion (of various flavor and levels) warped them somehow. They're basically all kind of messed up in different ways. The difference Hitori and everyone else, at least now, is Kazuaki-kun was betrayed from a place of trust and Shuu now has the Xmas bb's and Ryuuji himself to give him perspective.

Anyway, I've had a lot of time to process what happened. The levels Hitori took to survive so he could have his (unnecessary and unasked for, according to Nageki) revenge hurt pretty badly for a few months.

Related, I found it interesting that in the (untranslated) HB guidebook bird species who had just recently became sentient, like those in the Phasianidae family, were more susceptible to mental breaks and illnesses. Trauma could cause all sorts of problems to the psyche that hadn't been there, too, and all three birds show signs of it. Shuu, for instance, had trauma occur early in his childhood. The original HB archives have a note about bombing of a certain building, I think. It's where he got that injury on one of his sides. You could make the argument that Hitori was mentally ill - hallucinating, obsessive, narcoleptic - that was left unchecked. Which is well, understandable considering the evolving society and the fact that his life was in danger from the Hawk Party.

LOL, this comment is a bit erratic. Probably should have gone more into the self-delusion aspects of their love but I've worn myself out and I'n curious how you'd interpret that, besides.

I'm so happy people get to fall even deeper into bird hell now. <3

[Phoenix]

Erratic or not, that helps to explain quite a bit, curry. It was obvious that Hitori/Kazuaki completely lost it during BBL towards the end, but if his psychosis started a lot earlier due to the reasons you mentioned it would explain how he could have behaved how he did toward Kazuaki without him being entirely evil. That helps to bring him back a bit from the "betrayer of trust" villian (the worst kind to me) and closer to the "delusional victim" that I interpretted him to be before. If he thought he was helping Kazuaki by giving him what he asked for that's a direct parallel of Shuu's "promise", and logically is more consistent considering the explanation you've provided. It would appear that Phasinidae in this universe have a problem with over-literalizing when they suffer from psychosis. Mental trauma as an explanation opens the door for forgiveness, so I can stop hating Hitori/Kazuaki again. Thank you!

[house-special curry]

I'm glad!

Thought of a few things. First, since Hitori/Kazuaki is one of your faves, I recommend you read Kazuaki-kun's Book[www.amazon.com]. It's a short manga that follows the original Kazuaki in an alternate universe, likely the same one in the Kyoto and New Years short stories. If you don't have a kindle, you can read it on a PC or mobile kindle app without a problem. It's what I did.

Second, you might enjoy replaying Kazuaki's romance route in the original HB. His is one of those that is vague as heck and makes proper sense only after BBL and Holiday Star. The end, especially. Imo (black bars in case you want to interpret it again, free from my bias) when he says he could no longer love another creature after Nageki was gone, he meant it. "Better I am kind to everyone equally." It's interesting that he decides to wait for Hiyoko/MC, too. It's the most hopeful end for him, I think, without it being out of character, especially considering his previous convictions. That's not including the fact that he burned his ruined pic of Nageki. It's as close to saying, "I accept that you're dead and gone now. I accept that there's no point in clinging onto this obsession, this false idea of a person I've grown to hate." You could interpret, too, that one of the reasons he hates this false Nageki is it told him to do terrible things he can't entirely forgive himself for. Like Kazuaki-kun. Wowee, okay, got a bit lost there. Hitori/Kazuaki is a painful guy to think about.

Third, I'm pretty sure (and I could be misremembering this, so please correct me if so) Hitori later made clear that he had every intention of killing himself. Thing is, he couldn't die yet. He had things to do. But he'd follow. It doesn't make up for his betrayal, at least not to Kazuaki-kun, but even if he was fully sane otherwise, he was not entirely malicious in his actions.

Fourth, (and this is mostly my interpretation but has some basis in canon) Kazuaki-kun was A LOT like Nageki. The difference between them, in my opinion, is key and I see as a strong point of resentment for Hitori. Nageki was dead and Kazuaki-kun was not. It's why he has some sharp words for Kazuaki-kun at the end, I think. Unlike Nageki, Kazuaki-kun was alive and could make something of his life, yet all he could think about was how much he wanted to die. Hitori could appreciate him and feel his agonies -- genuinely! -- but also despise him for not appreciating what he had.

Their relationship is kind of complicated, LOL. Not made any better for that none of them were entirely in their right mind.

Forgiveness is how both of them move on, you know? Hitori to forgive himself for not being the perfect brother/hero figure and to forgive Shuu for... well, doing his misguided Kill All The Humans wish fulfilling; Kazuaki-kun to forgive Hitori and to heal, trust, and put himself out there to make *real* relationships.

[Be "Coo" Bro]

I wonder how Hitori feels about Kazuaki in the AU? Given how there's not a lot for Hitori to resentful about Kazuaki since Nageki is alive. I know that Nageki isn't too comfortable with Kazuaki going over to their place a lot.

[house-special curry]

Using the manga and the Kyoto short story as a guidepost, I can only assume Hitori in the AU feels compassion for him but also think's he's kind of annoying.

Like, Kazuaki-kun is really, really weepy. He has depression -- that's for sure -- but since Hitori has gone through arguably more trauma (see: the brutality of the Hatoful House incident) he must sometimes lose patience with Kazuaki-kun's self-pitying strops. An "I went through more than you did! Pick yourself up, dammit!" kind of deal.

Probably, despite Hatoful House, Hitori just never got clinical depression and doesn't get where Kazuaki-kun's coming from a lot of the time. But he's also a big brother sort and likes to take care of others, so Kazuaki-kun brings out his protective instincts.

He helped Kazuaki-kun out of a bad time, after all, and it worked. He's even a functioning adult now, with a job and everything! Hellooo, lit class.

[Yuet]

Originally posted by house-special curry:

Using the manga and the Kyoto short story as a guidepost, I can only assume Hitori in the AU feels compassion for him but also think's he's kind of annoying.

Like, Kazuaki-kun is really, really weepy. He has depression -- that's for sure -- but since Hitori has gone through arguably more trauma (see: the brutality of the Hatoful House incident) he must sometimes lose patience with Kazuaki-kun's self-pitying strops. An "I went through more than you did! Pick yourself up, dammit!" kind of deal.

Probably, despite Hatoful House, Hitori just never got clinical depression and doesn't get where Kazuaki-kun's coming from a lot of the time. But he's also a big brother sort and likes to take care of others, so Kazuaki-kun brings out his protective instincts.

He helped Kazuaki-kun out of a bad time, after all, and it worked. He's even a functioning adult now, with a job and everything! Hellooo, lit class.

I agree with almost everything you said but there is one thing about the Hatoful House incident, spoilers on the link.
http://moa810.tumblr.com/post/129825793537/moa-i-have-a-very-important-question-in-the#notes

[house-special curry]

Originally posted by longyuet:

I agree with almost everything you said but there is one thing about the Hatoful House incident, spoilers on the link.
http://moa810.tumblr.com/post/129825793537/moa-i-have-a-very-important-question-in-the#notes

Whoops! Good point. You could argue that the "Kazuaki-kun Book" AU has the massacre, but eh. Probably it doesn't.

In that case, Hitori probably finds Kazuaki annoying for the usual reasons people who've never had clinical depression find them annoying. Add in orphan angst (of which Hitori has little, but still. Logical guy, Hitori, logically he had the harder life). Of course, the compassion is still there too for the same reasons as before. He mostly didn't change imo, even with the massacre.

[Yuet]

Originally posted by house-special curry:

Whoops! Good point. You could argue that the "Kazuaki-kun Book" AU has the massacre

That make sense to me too, since he didn't got crazy until Nageki died; so it could had gone either way.

On the topic of AU, i always have mix feelings about Hitori and Kazuaki-kun. I really like them both but it make me sad that Nanaki-sensei the sleeping quail is gone. I feel bad saying this because of what he did to Kazuaki-kun but he was my fave character in the first game and the drama cds. The AU was almost perfect with everyone being alve and happy.

[Be "Coo" Bro]

Originally posted by longyuet:

Originally posted by house-special curry:

Whoops! Good point. You could argue that the "Kazuaki-kun Book" AU has the massacre

That make sense to me too, since he didn't got crazy until Nageki died; so it could had gone either way.

On the topic of AU, i always have mix feelings about Hitori and Kazuaki-kun. I really like them both but it make me sad that Nanaki-sensei the sleeping quail is gone. I feel bad saying this because of what he did to Kazuaki-kun but he was my fave character in the first game and the drama cds. The AU was almost perfect with everyone being alve and happy.

Keep in mind that Bad Boy's Love is the canon route. Even if Moa works more on the AU timeline, it's still not gonna change the fact that BBL is canon. So Sleepy Kazuaki is still alive and well, h'es just not as much deranged anymore.

[Phoenix]

I disagree with BBL being "canon". When dealing with a game with alternate possible endings, and also when those are necessary to complete another route, it makes the entire thing non-linear. Holiday Star takes place in a non-BBL story arc where Anghel is present but Ryouta is concerned about Hiyoko falling for Nageki. Hiyoko and Nageki are both aware that he's a ghost, but his clock has somehow not stopped, which happened when Hiyoko finally understood his nature. That all makes for a completely alternate story arc that was not part of the original game. For BBL to be "canon" it would mean Holiday Star is completely invalidated. That just doesn't fit. To me, it's a non-linear universe where all possible choices are equally valid. I'm sure many will disagree with this, but I tend to not see time and existence the same as most.

Are the stories only available in Kindle format? I prefer actual print. :(

[Be "Coo" Bro]

If I can remember, that's what Moa said. And about the stories, they're only available on print in Japan, I think.

[galacticcorgi]

The guidebook, IIRC, does state that he did some horrid things. But keep in mind, as well, that he chose Kazuaki not just because he was depressed, but Kazuaki became depressed after realizing he was wasting his life. In Kazuaki-kun's Book, he spends all of his time playing video games, wasting his money on that and even skipping classes. He becomes depressed as a result of his own actions. He was targeted because he was someone who didn't have much of a life, anyway.

[Phoenix]

That does not make him any less of a victim or any more deserving of what happened to him. I've seen first hand what clinical depression does to people, and what it takes to bring someone back from it. It's difficult, but it can be done. Kazuaki-kun may not have had much of a life, but that doesn't mean it wasn't worth saving. What he tried to do with the Holiday Star to was create a place where nobody ever gets hurt. He was trying to act kindly in the only way he knew how and help other lost souls just like him that were scared and alone. Once he finally boarded the train, his own victims - the "citizens" of his kingdom - behaved kindly toward him, not vengefully. They understood.

Kazuaki-kun, like many tragic characters, did a terrible thing for all the right reasons. He had a very good and innocent but very wounded heart. A lot of people that fall victim to depression are like this. They simply lose hope and withdraw. They're too good inside for the cruelty of the world, and it makes them sick, both physically and mentally. Moa did an excellent job of illustrating this through kazuaki-kun, and Kazuak-kun's reaction toward the gut-wrenching betrayal by Hitori also illustrated a deeper truth behind the suicidally depressed: Most people in that state don't really want to die, they want help but don't know how to ask for it or simply feel so bad they think they're past helping. What they need before anything else is understanding and compassion. Once they no longer feel alone then they can be helped, but there's a danger there as well. Kazuaki-kun was happy when he found Hitori because he thought Hitori understood him. Hitori baited him by suggesting that the happiness could go on forever, and thus the suicide pact. That's how suicide pacts happen in the real world. Once that emotional high is met it's too much and they don't want to lose the feeling, and the thought of going back to the deep depression is terrifying.

I don't know Moa's educational background, but for the purposes of clinical psychology she nailed it with Kazuaki-kun. I think that's why I reacted so badly toward Hitori's betrayal. Having dealt with this sort of thing myself it hit a bit close to home for me.