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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scPSP_U858k
Disclaimer - I might be misunderstanding the problem and someone else might be able to help.
If your checker board texture looks correct(squares rather then rectangles) then you have unwrapped correctly. Always apply the scale of every mesh before unwrapping and this will always be correct!
You are right about the model being essentially flat, the paint is projected onto the model, so when you are near an edge it will(after being rotated) look stretched.
As long as you understand that it is being projected you should be able to work around this with practice(whatever is central(vertical and horizontal) will paint correctly).
Substance Painter is much the same in this regard only with the brush reacting more to the surface of the mesh in terms of it's projection angle...
There really is no substitute for having something like Substance Painter(or similar), it's not that much(compared to many 3D related apps). Save up and buy it, I had the same problem as you until I brought it, it may not be perfect but it is way way better than without it...