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just read the other discussions, turns out you just need to unninstall physX and let the game reinstall it for you. ive tried it and it works.
No dice, one of the many fixes I've tried and has done nothing to fix the issue. I even tried it again just now, just in case. I've tried various versions of Direct X, VC++, compatibility modes, verifying files, reinstalling, checking cloud sync, hell I've even tried "other" versions of the game and it's the exact same issue.
The only thing that's come close to working... is playing on a friend's Steam Deck/Linux. Whatever Proton does with the game makes it work just fine. I can't really do that on my Windows PC however.
The wild thing is, it works absolutely no problem on his Windows machine. At this point it'd be reinstalling Windows to see if it makes any difference, and I kinda don't care enough to do that, I'll just get the console remake I guess.