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At some point if you have good enough hardware and connection the bottleneck becomes other people's internet connections, which you can do nothing about, so it is frustrating.
A workaround does exist by joining on a friends-only lobby from the Rockstar HOME menu, but you need to have a friend in a friends-only lobby to do that, and they can only get one of those lobbies by first loading into a public lobby.
Rockstar can fix this by allowing you to load into a friends-only or invite-only lobby from the menu screen instead of having to join on a friend already in their friend-only lobby.
I think you could do that in Legacy. It's a bit worrying for GTA 6 Online that Rockstar removed that feature because I absolutely do not want to go back to the horrible old days of having my supplies ganked in public lobbies again.
To be honest the easiest fix is to let people choose to log in on closed friend sessions but if they did that then all the public lobbies would appear empty instead of them being slam full of people trying to leave them.
Theres also 2 hosts. Session host and script host.
Its modders breaking the session, like always. The mental gymnastics people put themselves through to find an alternative reason, is astonishing.