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-Does your friend live in a seperate country from you?
-Have you ever been able to connect to any server?
-How long do you allow it to say "connecting" while it tries to join a server?
-Don't have any programs running in the background or any windows/tabs open in the background.
-If you're joining a server, always look for the ones with the lowest ping (you can view ping on the right hand side of the server name while searching for one).
-The more people you have in a server, the more PC power required.
-If the people joinging your server are from other countries, this also lends a hand in the lag/rubberbanding/glitching/inability to connect.
-If your computer meets the minimum specs, and can handle it all easily on your end when hosting your own world: then the lag is most likely due to high latency (congestion/bandwidth/distance/connection type/distance from other players/etc).
-a smaller world size.
-a world without extra/creatures resources added in settings.
-a world without mods (or as few as possible).
-a world without caves.
*Caves require 2 seperate servers running at the same time, and takes alot from any PC.
*If even a single mod is messed up/out of date/etc, it can wreak havoc on an entire world, it happens all the time sadly.
Try launching the game, selecting "browse games", and try joining the world that shows the LOWEST ping (the number on the right hand side of the server name). See if that works and let us know.