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I really can't get over of my expression of Rachel from BtS. Every once in a while during the game i had this feeling her behavior was kinda manipulative. On the other hand, your Rachel feels different. Also i loved their little personal moments.
And that part at the end, yeah... I really don't know what to say about it, i don't intend to say it was bad or something like that but, and its a big but, don't you think this is a bit too much? Somewhere at shopping part I figured that this might happen but i didn't really belive you would do it.
Well... i really dunno about that, maybe your opinion on that may clear things out.
Oh its happening. Its something the occured to me while I was actually writing the story.
And like you said, this Rachel is different, but not entirely. The Rachel we knew from BTS was willing to just leave Arcadia Bay just like that. With no direction on where to go, how to survive, she just wanted out of there. Arguably a fairly stupid and impulsive decision to make, considering that her and Chloe weren't even adults at the time. Rachel isn't exactly someone I would describe as patient. The way I see, its not out of character for her. The manipulative part you are correct about, the same used to apply to this Rachel. The way I see it, if Max can keep Chloe more grounded, then the same should apply to Rachel. Besides, owing someone your life can have a huge impact on someone.
This Rachel had a crazy plan of her own. Instead of running away from family and the town, it was about fully committing to the one she loved. Upon realizing that Max had once again saved her (that made 3 times), she simply couldn't resist the notion of them belonging together any longer and she drops the big question on her. It may be very soon, but again, Rachel isn't the kind of person that would wait very long this. If she wants something, she wants it pronto.
Is it a big deal? Hell yes it is. Have they barely even spent a whole lot of time together? Absolutely. Do I think everyone will like this plot element? No, I don't. But take it from someone who was in a similar situation once: It can work. Although my circumstances were very different and not quite as dark.
Yeah, my perception failed me again. I just forgot that this is a lovestory in the first place, after all. So probably it's nothing wrong with that part.
Glad it worked for u tho. Really. c:
Well, yes it is, but I still try to keep things plausible. Your feedback in the past is one of the reasons why I spent to so much effort building everything up to this point. A lot of these fun little dialogues (for ex. Max getting blue hair) were things I initially didn't plan but added in later.
But yes, I guess at the end of the day it is meant to be romantic story first and foremost. Mostly because I feel that the plot has already been pretty harsh with these characters and I do have some future events planned that will hit pretty hard too. It's not gonna be all sunshine and rainbows from here on out lol
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12857984/10/Blue-Feather
Enjoy!
Yeah... i've imagined the situation. If i would've done such thing as Max did, most likely to the end of conversation i wouldn't have any parents left haha... That's really sad actually.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12857984/11/Blue-Feather
It actually already went up last night, but it got kinda late, my apologies.. This chapter might answer some lingering questions regarding certain characters.
And you killed Frank. Frank was nice. :C
This Frank wasn't, I assure you. Because Chloe wasn't around during the time the events from BTS would have taken place, Damon would never have been killed by Frank over attacking Rachel. In this timeline, Rachel found evidence of her dad's machinations in his office (but not Damon's name), but that was after Damon had already done his dirty work.
So I figured that Damon's bad influence would only get worse over time and affect Frank negatively as a result. This Frank never had a Rachel to care about, he was Damon's lackey through and through.
I played with the thought of either Max or Rachel getting hurt. During the concept stage, I originaly meant for Max to end up in the hospital with a near fatal wound. But in the end, I decided against it. First off, I feel I put these guys through enough and secondly I didn't want another rehash of what BTS had done twice already, aka "Damon shows up and someone ends up in the hospital over it". Besides, it allowed alternate David to have his 5 minutes of fame.
The reason for the robbery? Remember the mill burning down being mentioned earlier in the story? That was Damon's last resort in making money. That is also why the chapter was called "Fallout", as this was a consequence of the storm causing the mill to be destroyed.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12857984/12/Blue-Feather
It's one thing to know where one wants to go. But can Max and Rachel agree on how to get there? And can Rachel help Max locate and old friend? Read to find out!
I'll check it later and drop you a note here, of course if u didn't get tired yet of me and my crappy opinion hehe.
I always welcome feedback and yours has been very helpful! So please do not stop sharing it, if you are inclined to keep reading :)
BTW, here is chapter 14 "Preparations"
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12857984/14/Blue-Feather
Rachel meets her future in-laws!
But imagining Kate as you described her was even harder, i can't even imagine her with a different hairstyle.
And this
are you kidding, of course i am. I guess I'll stop reading when you will stop writing. :3
Okay i will explain why i'm stick with your story, also my impression of chapter 14 and a story overall.
So as LiS games it allows me to live something that i can't live irl. I've never had such bond with my parents as Max has with hers, actually my relationship with parents is pretty much a mess. Never had something like Max&Rachel have between them. Thanks to LiS, for example, i can remember how does it feels like to have a best friend. Thats why i've told you about "personal little moments" back then.
i'm sorry if i bring up too much personal stuff here, which no one is care about, but i guess everyone need to talk every now and then, and i don't have a better place for that, to be honest. So if i'm sound super-weird, and i probably am, just say it and i will stick only to story related opinions.
Speaking of which, i've told you that i had some thoughts after chapter 12, well... i ditched most of them and that was exactly why i've decided to wait. Although there is one thing. If my guess is right, you will put Sera to the story at some point and if i'm correct i think that you might consider to drop a little hint on that as soon as possible, you know, just to add a little tension to the story. And if i'm wrong, then at least think about it as an option, i know it could seem like a ripoff from the game but i really wouldn't think so. I belive you can manage to make from this an interesting story and it won't be look like you just repeated the one from the game.
As you probably know, conflict is a foundation of almost every story and recalling that agreement Max and James had, i'd say it's a great 'playground' for you to create some inner struggle for Max.