I can see the game news now:

[TheWashableBomb]

"Popular Indie Game Slammed by Gamers and Forgotten!"

"Indie Game Dev Ridiculed for Botched Update (gone crazy)"

"Schedule I a Flop?!"

"Forum Users Demand Answers as Game Popularity Plummets from Release"

"ded gaem"

[Urban Blackbear]

"Giant Man Eats Snake"

"Shakira Fined $10M Euros for Dancing In A No Earthquake Zone"

"Bat Boy Adopts Houston Astros"

"Taylor Swifts Cat Buys Milk Company"

"10 Year-Old Orders 8 Million Lolipops to Distract Former President"

"Vatican Elects Al Pacino to be Pope Scarface I"

[This PC]

"fat black dude roundhouse kicks an alligator, shocking!"
"the pope is wearing the sickest drippy puffy jacket, amazing!"