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Get some friends IRL.
Play with bots.
Quit complaining.
Ok.
I have friends IRL.
I've spent most of my time playing with bots.
Mate, I'm not complaining, don't have to be a ♥♥♥♥ about it.
Is there any evidence that it's the service that lags, and not you or the person you're playing with?
Add your ping ms to your partner's ping ms, as well as the measured latency (in ms) of your display device, and the ms of your control device. Add these 4 latency measurements together is why your game lags, and why it would lag with any online service.
It's also the reason why Crawl didn't have online in the first place. The game relies on split-second timing and that's impossible to have with netplay.