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They might just give up and surrender to you.
If you suspect that they are hiding something, (Like a super secret massive fleet or mercenaries,) set up a spy network to get more intel.
If nothing seems to work, then just invade those xeno's and subjugate them into your Empire
Empires will only diplomatically accept becoming a vassal if you're two degrees (might be three) higher then them in relative power, while ALSO having friendly relations with them and high trust.
If you have the relative power but not the trust or relationship they won't accept the proposal. Conversely if you just fought a war to destroy their fleets in the hopes of vassalizing them you won't be able to attack them again for a vassalization war due to the 10 year truce upon the war's completion. Meaning they'll have ten years to build their fleet back up and negate the vassal wargoal.
The only way to use vassalize someone in the above manner is to take the animosity tradition and use the double strike agenda to do a vassalization war immediately after the initial war to destroy their fleets.
Otherwise you have to build relationship with them and wait for them to get clobbered by another empire before offering to take them under your wing.
"I'd maybe try to just Declare War against them with a Conquere/Vasalize War Goal." !?
this is exactly what i tried to do. the button is grayed out for some reason..
All other Options are done by steamrolling them throught war. Since he is pathetic towards you you should already break his spirit by destroying his (probably) sole fleet and maybe invade 1 or 2 Planets. Hell surrender as a Vasall within less then a year that way (If you chose said casus belli of course)
You can not wage vassalization wars against vassals.
You have get him to pledge Secret Fealty so you can declare a Secret Fealty war againist his Overlord, or declare a vassalization war against his Overlord (vassaliizes him and his vassals)
With the favors having been able to be bought in initial diplomatic dealings: you could more easily do that, but once they removed the ability to trade favors: the only way to get them that I knew of was to use spies to *buy* favors via extortion, and those're harder to do and somewhat iffier in their ability to be used.
Vassals of others can be gained, however, by vassalizing their master-state; I know this because it has worked out very well for me: yet you do NOT want to enlist your own subjects in the war: if you do: it is easily possible for your side to rack up too much demoralization due to losses of the vassal's fleets: they're universally weaker, and they still count for casualties: best odds I've found recently is to have your subject nations waging their own wars: and using them to enhance yourself and your state's position via filtering to them critical data on their targets' national assets; this *usually* works remarkably well as the Romulans in "Star Trek New Horizons" particularly, with the cloaking devices fully developed as much as possible.