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But the way it works is that the host starts a new server from a savegame. Lets the game start and then the previous players rejoin and are asked if they want to keep playing their old empires.
We're trying the Join Game option now.
Change your Steam download location to the same location (this sometimes move your MP region and lets you see servers not normally seen)
Double check that everyone has the same DLC enabled and Mods. Maybe even disable all of them if you're not using them. If only to confirm the connection holds.