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You are talking about things that simply do not exist. Just because you want them to doesn't mean they do exist.
There's no actual penalty for killing Lords just ignore the nonsense negative 100 number.
I have recruited half-a-dozen Lords all negative 100 they are stuck with me for a few hours and show no sign of rebelling. prior to me killing people I had Lourdes that I had positive relationships declaring war on me. other than a few random lines of dialogue there is literally no difference between having negative 100 relationship and plus 100 relationship and the actual gameplay and interaction between yourself and AI Lords.
Righteous Executions for example will remove the penalties: https://www.nexusmods.com/mountandblade2bannerlord/mods/559
1. Install mod
2. Load a save game or a new game, the .xml with the settings is generated
3. Close game
4. Edit the .xml with the settings you want (on the mod page, note that they're case sensitive)
5. Start your game
6. Enjoy
So, burning places to recruit does hurt a faction under those circumstances where lords are frantically trying to get recruits.
Considering the following :
1. AI cannot recruit from neutral villages (they seek only their own).
2. AI cannot save scum the battle results.
3. Free units does not meet the requirements to join an army (under 40%).
Lords that get released or get away is step one, step two is to not allow them to recruit. My favorite trick is to release a Clan tier 5 lord, then proceed to his home, wait in the bushes out of their sighting distance, and strike when the lord opens the gate to get the morning news paper ...
"You again?"
"Indeed, shall we have another go?"
:P