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If they got fiefs and the chance of them join you is like NILL...
For better chance..
1) make them love you
2) make sure they homeless
3) make sure your faction is stronger than their current.
A lord will never defect if their relation to their leader is high. And even if their loyalty is low enough you still need to convince them and overcome the speechcheck(s) Normally there are 2 speechchecks you have to overcome but with perks it can be reduced to 1, so a very high charm score is going to help in this regard. Then if you're lucky you can even convince lclans to join you who own land -- it all comes down to their relation with their king/emperor/khan or whatever title the faction uses.
Keeping them is actually harder than recruiting them. If you have a fief to give them as a signing bonus, do it. Use policies to keep them happy.
If they have eligible sons, this is where your daughters come in handy. I'm not sure how well this has been implemented, but marriage should strengthen the bond between clans.