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You need to play the game as a Lord who is militarily contributing to the Faction's strength. Having your Companions roam around the map and having caravans and the like does not lend itself to impressing the King or other Lords.
Raising your Clan Tier does, however, help. But, you still need to "do stuffs" to impress everyone.
First, don't let your Companion-led groups "roam." That's useless. Instead, form an "Army" and invite them to join you. It won't cost you any Influence to only invite your Companion Groups and you'll gain much needed experience when doing it.
Then, go battle the enemy... Take Fiefs. Participate in Sieges when you can't successfully siege and take fiefs on your own. Get Kills in Sieges, too - Be the first to the wall, the first to get some kills, the one who stands out on the battlefield.
Keep doing this and the King and other Lords will be much more inclined to see you get a suitable Fief.
Note: You already have a Clan Tier that would suggest to your King and fellow Lords you should have a fief of your own. (Two companion groups and a caravan? That's a high Tier, forget which one atm.) You should have already been awarded some fief, somewhere. Have you not participated in a Siege or done one, yourself? If not, which is the only reason I could think you haven't been awarded something, then you need to do that. There's going to be a very strong weight to give you a fief at this point, so participate in a siege for a fief you really would like to have and you should get it.
PS (Added): OK, you've joined in sieges I see. Sorry, I missed it. What other activities have you been doing? Fighting enemies in the field, raiding villages, etc? What is your King's opinion of you? Lastly - Are you running any mods? If so... you may want to remove them if possible.
Faction leaders definitely seem to like giving themselves tons of fiefs, you can improve your odds of getting one by raising your relations with the other faction members and the ruler especially. Higher clan tier and having more parties on the map seems to help, but if the ruler does not like you you will not get as many chances.
It borks itself up, to be sure, resulting in some frustrating gameplay for little real gameplay value, IMO.
Some of it is fine. But, it can spiral out of control.
I haven't yet seen it completely unrecoverable, though. That's a plus, I guess. But, it most certainly can go through long periods of "this doesn't work to give good gameplay" though.
IMO, it needs to "look like" a real economy, but have enough fudging behind the scenes that it can't cripple anything or threaten to unbalance the player's experience with factors the player has no possible control over.
ie: They want to make "war wearinees" reflect itself in an economy or demonstrate how war destroys trade? Fine - Give me suitable tools to use so I can affect those things, otherwise get them out of my game... (PATROLS FFS! :/)
I married the daughter of my faction leader, and gave him a very generous two handed sword as a gift to show my appreciation. The lot of us have bonded over many battles and sieges. When I aide my fellow lords in battles they are currently engaged in, it will only raise my relation with them some of the time. I have personally attacked many of the roaming lords of our warring neighbors, though I release them upon their defeat. I have not raided any of their villages or attacked any caravan, as I am not some villain. Hasn't done much to affect my characters nature though, its still the same as it was at the start of his journey.
My liege is currently at thirty-two relations with me. I have also helped many others, though it seems the highest relation I have that is not an enemy is a fellow lord at fifteen relation. I have been doing quests for the many villages and towns trying to raise their prosperity levels to where they can finally afford my high end two handers. I wish that selling weapons and crafted gear would raise trading, as I can no longer make a profit on their many trade goods that is more than three hundred coins. Anywhere.
My liege holds eight fiefs, while the rest of the lords either hold a single fief or two at most. My characters progression has pretty much stalled save for leadership and bow, which both level painfully slow and will not be near enough to get me another level. I have tried a few other load-outs but well... melee of any kind is dangerous beyond belief... A tap from any weapon will take half my health. Mind you, I am wearing some rather high end lamellar. You also cannot reload the crossbow from horseback, and throwing weapons come with so few munitons. The other skills are much harder to level without gimping your experience heavily by taking a job from your engineer or heavens forbid your surgeon or scout. Tactics levels so slow that I've given up on the idea of ever being able to place my troops before combat...
So yeah... Any tips or ideas to help me get to the next stage of being a vassal? How does one raise relations with another lord reliably, as aiding them in combat does not seem to help much?
In what version and branch did you start this particular playthrough?
I'd have to chalk it up to "beta branch" and some idiosyncratic thing there. Or, if it's a save spanning multiple patches, it's a compatibility thing. If you've played across multiple branches, that is certainly a problem (public vs beta branch) - Branch versions are not likely easily compatible. (Too many potential issues and its not advised to attempt to "cross the streams" there. :))
Leadership - I never used that method to gain Leadership. But, I also had a steady stream of Influence coming in due to owning several Fiefs. I could form large armies at a whim and keep them in the field as long as I wished. I could see how a player having issues gaining large amount of Influence would resort to using the "Companion Army" method.
This time around in 1.4.2 I served Lady Rhagea once again, this time however, I only participated on the battlefields. (Kind of stings when you go siege an establishment and some of your best units get chopped down.) I did not participate in any sieges and while I was with her there must have been at least five or six castles taken. I was never once considered, even though my clan was doing the lions share of the work on the battlefield.
It's gotta be a Beta Branch thing, then. It could be just a quirk in your game thanks to some behind-the-scene's RNG or something that will show itself to be endemic of that version.
There's no reason why you should be fiefless given the information you've related IMO. I'm assuming there are fiefs going around and getting captured regularly and the like.
One thing I found important is to target fiefs that are not near the holdings of Lords that may have higher standing but not many fiefs to their name. I targeted fiefs by "distance" from others and then built a miniature kingdom with three towns. I could have had four or more or even additional castles, but I turned them down because that was just too much management work...
My advice, if it's not an impossible bug, is to focus your efforts in an enemy region where the nearest friendly fiefs are being held by Lords that either already have a great many or who couldn't reasonably be expected to get another. If I'm right, you should get a fief from one of the two or so fiefs you capture if they're sufficiently separated by distance from your current Kingdom's borders.
Example:
Map for reference - https://i.redd.it/9y8tqrfni1t41.png
I took Phycaon first. There were no other holdings of the Northern Empire faction nearby. The closest holdings were by Lords who already had a good many holdings at that time in the game. (I think the King held Saneopa and Algaron, plus other fiefs.) Others were enemy faction holdings. This was the result of a deep strike into enemy territory.
Next, I doubled back and took Lycaron. I was easily awarded that, as well. Why? Because I owned the closest fief to that and had fewer fiefs than most Lords in my Clan Tier at the time. (My... assumption. :))
Chanopsis Castle and Melion Castle I took quickly, but I passed on those where offered and voted in favor of other Lords to make sure they had a fief - I didn't want them getting to the top of the list because they didn't yet have a fief and deserved one. :)
Next, I targeted Vostrum for myself and took it after a suitable time passed and I had helped others gain their fiefs. At that time, Porus was still in the hands of the Southern Empire. So, with me having Phycaon, Lycaron, and having made sure weaker Lords had at least "something" under their belt, who is a prime candidate to get at least on the eligible's list for Lord of Vostrum? Me. I was awarded it without even a formal vote. <poof> "You're now Lord of Vostrum..." Yay!
So, having three Towns now and income out the whazoo and Influence that is virtually unending... I've probably pushed past what can easily be manipulated. BUT, I've been offered several towns/castles in that region. Why?
It seems the King does not like to reinstate Lords who fail to keep their holdings. If true, I could manipulate the game further by just letting all the Lords lose their holdings nearby and then gobbling them up, one by one.
So, IMO:
Warband had issues with Lords getting holdings that were too far apart for them to service/defend. I think TW has paid attention to correcting that problem, at least for the Player if not NPC lords as well. (A few lords get holdings that are spread far apart, but that's just an issue of them being really the only ones suitably eligible.)
The player can somewhat control things by basically picking and choosing the time to strike in a suitable situation and then building upon that if most of my assumptions are true. And, if they're true and strongly enough weighted to favor those choices, it's a cakewalk in getting awarded fiefs so long as one puts a "plan" to do so in place.
I have also taken out many lords. Bylorn of the Lake Rats is a friendly rival at this point. We meet in Vealos Valley every so often for a sparring match. It is rather unnerving how quickly he shows up after just loosing his entire force to either porcupine status or ransom. I've also harassed a few other lords, though none quite as much a old Bylorn. That guy has a thing hails of arrows... I've been no slouch in this war, and I would like to be rewarded for the effort. Maybe then I can finally be out of the red financially.
The Lake Rats are a merc Clan. I don't think they can have fiefs, so he's no "rival." His a filthy Sellsword and owes his allegiance solely to gold! ;)
Gold is nice, though... But, he's still a filthy merc!
I think you should always get a chance to Vote on who receives Fiefs, but I could be mistaken in that only Landed Lords can Vote at all. (It'd make a sort of sense if only Landed Lords could vote, but it does preclude the player's ability to vote for themselves for their first Fief.)
On what fief to go after, I would probably have to see a screenshot of your current map. I will say that the Campaign Map AI doesn't appear to care about "water." All of its "distance" stuff is calculated in a direct line "as the crow flies."
So, for instance, let's say a rival owned Chaikand and you just single-handedly took Jagura using nothing but your own strength and body odor as an unwashed heathen Khuzaiti. No offense intended. <ahem> ;) So, what would the game think would be appropriate? Why, your rival's claim, of course! Why? It's only two distancethings from his Chaikand holding, so he is naturally better able to manage it!
If your Clan Tier is higher than his, making it more appropriate that you have a fief over many other Lower Tier Lords, and he already has several fiefs, you might have a chance at it. But, if that was the case then I'd suggest using that leverage to go after something further away from the fiefs of powerful Lords in your faction.
Just going on my assumptions and experience, here. And, I haven't played in awhile because I just got a bit tired of gameplay not really improving. That doesn't mean it's not worth playing, just that I'm waiting until certain things are fixed or at least being worked on..