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Yes there are a lot of servers that can fit your needs.
You can give an eye to https://tldb.info/server-status, it will give you a brief view of how many characters were created on said server (not the players actively playing, but it's a hint)
Game has been out for 3 months now and you should expect a lot of grind (same as the others players already done tough)
I advise you to stick to your friend(s) and find first a casual guild to begin PvE'ing once you're lvl50.
Levelling can and is supposed to be done alone as it's a story arc for your character. If you only follow the main quest, you will be 50 in between 15 and 20h of gameplay. Maybe more if you wanna explore, maybe less if you wanna rush.
For your question about tanks, yeah, of course they're in demand, like healers, always. But to be honest it's not the tank like you maybe see it (like tanks in World of Warcraft or other MMORPG's).
To really have fun and be able to farm (because yeah, farming in this game is an important thing, it's really grindy) you should go for DPS. It won't affect much, if you really want to have a tank, then you have a second slot to do so
Nowadays dungeons don't really require a real tank that takes aggro on mobs, if you go on random you'll probably see folks a lot higher geared than you that will rush through the dungeon without even paying attention to nothing.
PvP-Wise, i advise you to not do it for now. Or with a REALLY open-mind cause you will get obliterated, and it's perfectly NORMAL. A large share of the population is now 4000+ CP, and you won't even be able to touch these players. Wait to be well geared and to guide you, you can go on Maxroll, they got plenty of build guides for a lot of weapon combinations.
There is a ton of things to enjoy and discover, and if you can share it with a friend and make more within a guild, then it's gonna be a cool experience.
Don't bother about the frustrated trolls that will come into this post, like the first who replied to you. There is a whole lobby of individuals who are crying about everything cause yeah, SKILL ISSUE (but they won't admit it cause you know, they too good, their momma said it)
Have fun !
I swear every one of you that has BS to say about this game either A: has a private profile or B: makes horrible attempts at english
It has nothing to do with good or bad English.
It all has to do with the design and interface of the game.
You wouldn't be wondering how to behave in the latest Legend of Zelda game if you were allowed to play the same controls, would you?
It's made by Japanese people who are very bad at using English.
In my opinion, the 30 year old Ultima Online was more fun than this game that seems to have stolen the name of this famous drama.
I personally never played Ultima Online