Is the Official Translation Fluent Enough?

[Julian]

Hey everyone!

I’ve been comparing the official translation of Fate/Stay Night to the well-known fan translation, and I can’t help but feel the official version is... a bit stiff. When it comes to language and flow, it feels functional but not particularly fluent or natural, especially when compared to the fan translation. But maybe I’m just overthinking it?

Here’s an example to illustrate what I mean:

Original Text:
一月最後の朝七時。冬木の町は冬でもそれなりに暖かい気候なのに、今朝に限っては他所様の冬並みに寒かった。家の中にいても吐く息は白いし、なにより家には人がいないから余計寒いったらありゃしない。

Official Translation:
..This is the final 7:00 AM in January. Winters in Fuyuki are relatively warm, but the mornings here are cold as anywhere. Even at home, my breath mists white. It's that much colder without anyone else living here.

Fan Translation:
It's seven o'clock on the last day of January. Fuyuki City is usually pretty warm in the winter, but this morning it's as cold as any other city. I can even see my breath indoors, and on top of that, there's no one else in the house to warm it up.

If you can read Japanese (or use a machine translator), you'll notice that the official translation feels like a verbatim replacement of the original text, with little effort to make it flow naturally in English. To be honest, I find it disappointing that the official version—presumably done by professionals—is not well polished. But at the same time, I wonder if I’m being too nit-picky.

[Barachiel]

In what universe does the official translation feel less natural than the fan one? Seriously? Try saying each paragraph out load, and tell me which one sounds less like it was run through Google Translate?

[Julian]

Originally posted by Barachiel:

In what universe does the official translation feel less natural than the fan one? Seriously? Try saying each paragraph out load, and tell me which one sounds less like it was run through Google Translate?

No offense intended, but you may take another look at the example quoted above. Do you honestly think "This is the final 7:00 AM in January" sounds more natural than "It's seven o'clock on the last day of January"?

I can read some Japanese, and "This is the final 7:00 AM in January" feels like a verbatim replacement of the original Japanese sentence. Also, from my experience with English, I'd only phrase it that way if I had already been talking about 7:00 AM specifically and wanted to emphasize it as the last one. Like, "Every morning at 7:00, I would have coffee with her. I once thought these days would last forever, but as graduation approaches, I know this is the final 7:00 AM of my high school years spent with her." Most of the time, I'd just say "It's 7:00 AM on the last day of January."

And what about "Winters in Fuyuki are relatively warm, but the mornings here are cold as anywhere"? Does that sound natural to you? I get that it's trying to say the morning was unusually cold, but the fan translation, "Fuyuki City is usually pretty warm in the winter, but this morning it's as cold as any other city," makes it much more clearly and feels more natural to me.

[King Of Lolis]

nah this is just straight up bad
take a look at my screenshot, they mistaken sakura for rin
now thats just an yikes

[BeefoTheBold]

That fan translation is just...so much better.

[Raph_friend]

If you check Twitter, you will be surprised how bad work the "official localizers" do.

[carl]

The new one is ♥♥♥♥

[LordFacepalm]

I'm so glad you posted those examples... I don't know what Barachiel is thinking, but based solely on your 1 example the Fan translation is vastly superior.

Now I haven't gotten this game yet, but its been on my list for a while and I was getting closer to picking it up, having heard that the Official translation is good (as stated in some Steam reviews).

But personally, I'm not a fan of 'literal' translations and much prefer translations that are modified to express their intent rather than translating word-for-word which often feels jarring, robotic, and doesn't 'flow', as you stated. I know some people prefer word for word translations and feel like they are more exact/accurate... that might be true but it just doesn't sound how people naturally talk in english and is distracting.

Is that example you posted above representative of the entire Remastered version? Or was that just a particularly bad case of it?

If it really is that jarring from start to finish of the Remaster I might try to find the original with the fan translation instead of buying this, so please let me know what you guys think. (and why are people saying the official translation is great in the reviews?)

[Julian]

Originally posted by LordFacepalm:

I'm so glad you posted those examples... I don't know what Barachiel is thinking, but based solely on your 1 example the Fan translation is vastly superior.

Now I haven't gotten this game yet, but its been on my list for a while and I was getting closer to picking it up, having heard that the Official translation is good (as stated in some Steam reviews).

But personally, I'm not a fan of 'literal' translations and much prefer translations that are modified to express their intent rather than translating word-for-word which often feels jarring, robotic, and doesn't 'flow', as you stated. I know some people prefer word for word translations and feel like they are more exact/accurate... that might be true but it just doesn't sound how people naturally talk in english and is distracting.

Is that example you posted above representative of the entire Remastered version? Or was that just a particularly bad case of it?

If it really is that jarring from start to finish of the Remaster I might try to find the original with the fan translation instead of buying this, so please let me know what you guys think. (and why are people saying the official translation is great in the reviews?)

I didn't specifically select these examples—they're just random sentences from the prologue. Before buying the game, I also read some comments here and on Reddit, which gave me the impression that the official translation was well done. However, I found the translation so awkward that I couldn't even finish the prologue. That’s why I decided to pick a few sentences at random and wrote this post. (I added the first few sentences of the prologue along with their fan-made counterparts for reference.) Honestly, I'm really displeased—such a legendary work deserves far better than this official translation.

On top of that, I don’t think this version is even accurate enough. As King Of Lolis pointed out, there are name mix-ups, and I strongly suspect the translation wasn’t done or even revised by a native speaker at all. There are many subtle errors — while grammatically correct, they make the text feel vague and awkward to read. For instance, in my example, the line "Winters in Fuyuki are relatively warm, but the mornings here are cold as anywhere" should really be "this morning." The phrase choices also feel like they were lifted straight from a dictionary, such as "serene, divinely eyes".

I’m also confused about why so many reviews praise the official translation. It made me question whether I was being too nit-picky. My original post was more reserved because English is my second language. Although I've been speaking it for many years and now live in an English-speaking country, I can’t be completely certain that I perceive things the same way as native speakers. However, now it seems it's not only me who feels that way.

More Examples:
Official:
The tip of the spear was like a flash of lightning—
a spearhead thrust to skewer the heart.
Even attempting to evade it was pointless.
It was but a flash, too swift for the human eye to follow.

...

The faint slant of her profile...
Her serene, divinely green eyes...
For a moment, time stopped,
and her silhouette, draped in blue, swayed in the wind.

Fan:
It was a thrust like lightning.
A spearhead thrust to pierce my heart.
Trying to dodge it would be useless.
Being lightning, it's invisible to the human eye.

...

The face slightly turned.
The quiet green eyes.
The instant becomes an eternity.
The blue outfit symbolizing her sways in the wind.

[GuardianSoulBlade]

The fan translation was overwrought with purple prose, the official version is way better.

[Dr.Krieger]

Originally posted by Raph_friend:

If you check Twitter, you will be surprised how bad work the "official localizers" do.

Ah yes, xitter (x is pronounced "sh"), the bastion of sanity, logic, and normalcy.

[inFantry-32]

Originally posted by Julian:

Hey everyone!

I’ve been comparing the official translation of Fate/Stay Night to the well-known fan translation, and I can’t help but feel the official version is... a bit stiff. When it comes to language and flow, it feels functional but not particularly fluent or natural, especially when compared to the fan translation. But maybe I’m just overthinking it?

Here’s an example to illustrate what I mean:

Original Text:
一月最後の朝七時。冬木の町は冬でもそれなりに暖かい気候なのに、今朝に限っては他所様の冬並みに寒かった。家の中にいても吐く息は白いし、なにより家には人がいないから余計寒いったらありゃしない。

Official Translation:
..This is the final 7:00 AM in January. Winters in Fuyuki are relatively warm, but the mornings here are cold as anywhere. Even at home, my breath mists white. It's that much colder without anyone else living here.

Fan Translation:
It's seven o'clock on the last day of January. Fuyuki City is usually pretty warm in the winter, but this morning it's as cold as any other city. I can even see my breath indoors, and on top of that, there's no one else in the house to warm it up.

If you can read Japanese (or use a machine translator), you'll notice that the official translation feels like a verbatim replacement of the original text, with little effort to make it flow naturally in English. To be honest, I find it disappointing that the official version—presumably done by professionals—is not well polished. But at the same time, I wonder if I’m being too nit-picky.

This is super useful, thank you.

[Aro]

Originally posted by Julian:

Originally posted by LordFacepalm:

I'm so glad you posted those examples... I don't know what Barachiel is thinking, but based solely on your 1 example the Fan translation is vastly superior.

Now I haven't gotten this game yet, but its been on my list for a while and I was getting closer to picking it up, having heard that the Official translation is good (as stated in some Steam reviews).

But personally, I'm not a fan of 'literal' translations and much prefer translations that are modified to express their intent rather than translating word-for-word which often feels jarring, robotic, and doesn't 'flow', as you stated. I know some people prefer word for word translations and feel like they are more exact/accurate... that might be true but it just doesn't sound how people naturally talk in english and is distracting.

Is that example you posted above representative of the entire Remastered version? Or was that just a particularly bad case of it?

If it really is that jarring from start to finish of the Remaster I might try to find the original with the fan translation instead of buying this, so please let me know what you guys think. (and why are people saying the official translation is great in the reviews?)

I didn't specifically select these examples—they're just random sentences from the prologue. Before buying the game, I also read some comments here and on Reddit, which gave me the impression that the official translation was well done. However, I found the translation so awkward that I couldn't even finish the prologue. That’s why I decided to pick a few sentences at random and wrote this post. (I added the first few sentences of the prologue along with their fan-made counterparts for reference.) Honestly, I'm really displeased—such a legendary work deserves far better than this official translation.

On top of that, I don’t think this version is even accurate enough. As King Of Lolis pointed out, there are name mix-ups, and I strongly suspect the translation wasn’t done or even revised by a native speaker at all. There are many subtle errors — while grammatically correct, they make the text feel vague and awkward to read. For instance, in my example, the line "Winters in Fuyuki are relatively warm, but the mornings here are cold as anywhere" should really be "this morning." The phrase choices also feel like they were lifted straight from a dictionary, such as "serene, divinely eyes".

I’m also confused about why so many reviews praise the official translation. It made me question whether I was being too nit-picky. My original post was more reserved because English is my second language. Although I've been speaking it for many years and now live in an English-speaking country, I can’t be completely certain that I perceive things the same way as native speakers. However, now it seems it's not only me who feels that way.

More Examples:
Official:
The tip of the spear was like a flash of lightning—
a spearhead thrust to skewer the heart.
Even attempting to evade it was pointless.
It was but a flash, too swift for the human eye to follow.

...

The faint slant of her profile...
Her serene, divinely green eyes...
For a moment, time stopped,
and her silhouette, draped in blue, swayed in the wind.

Fan:
It was a thrust like lightning.
A spearhead thrust to pierce my heart.
Trying to dodge it would be useless.
Being lightning, it's invisible to the human eye.

...

The face slightly turned.
The quiet green eyes.
The instant becomes an eternity.
The blue outfit symbolizing her sways in the wind.

I 100% agree with your assessment of the official translation. To me the official translation is very poorly written, people do like to state that this version is more accurate to the fan translation, but I simply cant enjoy the dialogue nor the story as I did originally many years ago. Everything in the VN atm feels very clunky to read and I've had troubles understanding certain sentences. Would love a mod to come out converting the current game into the fan translation but as that hasn't happen and probably wont for a long time I'll be rereading Fate the old fashion way and speed-running everything in the official release.