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Note: Im assuming they use the dinossaure method like in CK2. If they have servers forget about the ports thing.
Then host game (bottom right)
Then a new pop up appears, fill in server name (call something you and your friend agree on, i.e tschomb78) and put a password in that you both know, don't bother with the tags or description fields.
Then hit host again (bottom right)
You will now be in a lobby type area, but you can pick a country, at the top right is a box that shows if anyone else has joined your game.
Get your friend to go multiplayer from the start screen, and click the 'scan internet' button.
This will show a list of all the servers, there won't be that many and you can sort them alphabetically by clicking on the word 'server name' at the top of where it shows the servers.
Get him to find the one called 'tschomb78' and select it and then 'join game'
It will prompt him for the password.
He should after a moment appear in your lobby.
You both pick countries and then there is a 'ready button for them' and a start game button if everyone is ready for you.
My friends and I have yet to find a way to 'invite steam friends' but if someone knows a better way than this please share.
Srr, I though I saw the europa universalis ports when i googled the ones for CK2. (might have been EU3) Just trying to help and in my defence I actualy did say I might be wrong...
You have to change it in the lobby in settings (where also AI difficulty is).
When you start the game the hosts has to change it in options as well.
For some reason you have to do both to make it work.